Things that pee you off..

[klondike]

Despite there being fifty shades of grey and it seems even 50 shades of taupe as I discovered when I had to look it up as I'd never heard of it there is no shade of road grime available. I know this for sure having had scores of cars in a wide range of  colours every one of which looked filthy just days and sometimes hours after washing.

I have come to terms with this for cars and now mostly just use Jehovah's free car wash. The problem is I live on a main road and have just washed down the front door and step knowing full well that after the weekend it will look as bad as it did before I cleaned it.

[Vlad]

Ahhh, yes,....Fifty Sheds of Grey.

Saw this and thought it worth sharing:

The novel "Fifty Shades Of Grey" has seduced women - and baffled blokes. Now we have Fifty Sheds Of Grey, which offers a treat for the men. The book has author Colin Grey recounting his encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts...

We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall ... but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
"I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."
So I took her to McDonalds.

Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.

"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.
"Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.
"Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."

"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished."
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
"I think so," I gulped.
"Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.

"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
She nodded.
"Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
"Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD.

[Alex]

    

[klondike]

[dextrous63]

😬😬😬

[GrannyMac]

😂😂😂

[Scrumpy]

[Scrumpy]

When Alexa lies to me about the weather.

[JBR]

Ahhh, yes,....Fifty Sheds of Grey.

Saw this and thought it worth sharing:


etc...

Brilliant, Vlad!  🤣🤣🤣
I wish I could come up with things like that.  You definitely have a gift.

[Scrumpy]

Big adults on a child's trampoline.

[dextrous63]

Big adults on a child's trampoline.

Screaming children, er, anywhere.

[klondike]

TBH it has been a while since I've heard a real layng on the floor screamer. Perhaps I need to get out more.

[dextrous63]

Book a flight somewhere.  You're guaranteed to have one right behind you, plus they'll throw in kicking the back of your seat in as a gratuity.

[GrannyMac]

People who pack all their shopping then start 'hunt the wallet/purse/credit card'.  People who do likewise when waiting for a bus. 10 minutes in the queue, then hold everyone up looking for their ticket/pass/fare! 

[Scrumpy]

It all sounds scary out there..