Save the Aardvark

[Vlad]

You can tell it's Christmas when look at the tv, we get an increase in charity adds, it's the season when all mankind and wimmen are supposedly inclined to dipping into their pockets and giving away their hard earned dosh.
So far I have seen the tear jerker ads, abused donkeys, children with flies around their eyes in Africa, homeless teenagers sitting in a darkened doorway etc
Cats and (what about the ardvaarks Vlad?), dogs ads from RSPCA along with all the other Royal charities..RNLI RNIB etc...there approx 17000 charities in the UK with CEO's that need paying .....but what about ardvaarks I hear you say, are there any charities that help your local unemployed unwanted and unloved ardvaarks? No!
And what about warthogs? Short, chubby, snorting, angry little creatures a bit like your author, except that their tails always stick up, ( bastards!) no one hears or cares about their mental health. 
And Turkeys, I mean anything that ugly deserves to be eaten I know but  we only love them at Christmas but there are no Help the Turkey adverts on telly.

We do need a charity that supports your local friendly pub landlord, so might I suggest you get your dosh out (PayPal accepted) and donate to The Vlad Homes for Unwed Mothers, Pub Landlords, Ardvaark and Warthog Charity (UMPLAW) now.
There will be a collection box on the bar in the Jockeys Nostril Gastro Pub...thank you..carry on.

[JBR]

You can tell it's Christmas when look at the tv, we get an increase in charity adds, it's the season when all mankind and wimmen are supposedly inclined to dipping into their pockets and giving away their hard earned dosh.


etc.

I agree with the bit about cats (aardvarks don't really interest me), as we have taken in two cats (and two previously) from a rescue place, to which I make regular pecuniary contributions.
Perhaps I'm biased, but cats are the best pet you can imagine.
I'm sure opposite opinions will emerge!

[Vlad]

I agree with the bit about cats (aardvarks don't really interest me), as we have taken in two cats (and two previously) from a rescue place, to which I make regular pecuniary contributions.
Perhaps I'm biased, but cats are the best pet you can imagine.
I'm sure opposite opinions will emerge!

That's all very nice, but do I see a donation to Vlads UMPLAW? mmmm?

[klondike]

aardvarks don't really interest me

Nice bit of crispy aardvark at Christmas might make a change from turkey. Not seen any in Lidl though. May take a walk to Tesco. 

[JBR]

That's all very nice, but do I see a donation to Vlads UMPLAW? mmmm?

I have been trying to think what your 'UMPLAW' organisation might stand for.
Is one of the words rude, perhaps?

[Mups]

I have been trying to think what your 'UMPLAW' organisation might stand for.
Is one of the words rude, perhaps?

JBR,   Vlad said in his  first post :

Unwed Mothers, Pub Landlords, Ardvaark and Warthog charity

[Michael Rolls]

              

[Scrumpy]

 

[Vlad]

JBR,  Vlad said in his  first post :

Unwed Mothers, Pub Landlords, Ardvaark and Warthog charity

Thanks for explaining that Mups, and your extremely generous donation which has made a lot of Ardvaarks very happy 🥰

[JBR]

JBR,  Vlad said in his  first post :

Unwed Mothers, Pub Landlords, Ardvaark and Warthog charity

I see.  Thank you.
So nothing about cats, then?  I cannot possibly contribute.
Perhaps it should be modified: UMCLAW

[Scrumpy]

Aardvark.. The name means  'Earth Pig'..

I haven't seen any on the meat counter at the Co-op..
I reckon Lidl might have some.. Or Harrods Christmas Hamper..!!!

I did leave a drink for you in The Jockey's Vlad .. But you didn't show.. 
Mucky Maureen took it into the cellar .. she said she was going to pour it back into the barrel..
She took Ginger John with her to help remove the stopper .. It was getting rusty..

[Vlad]

I see.  Thank you.
So nothing about cats, then?  I cannot possibly contribute.
Perhaps it should be modified: UMCLAW

We don't do cats! They are evil, slinky, haughty, drop fur everywhere, shred your curtains, leave half eaten mice on your doorstep, poo in your flower beds, scratch your leather sofa, eat really smelly food, are aloof and snotty, now Ardvaarks are really nice

Today at 12:05:43 PM

Aardvark.. The name means  'Earth Pig'..

I haven't seen any on the meat counter at the Co-op..
I reckon Lidl might have some.. Or Harrods Christmas Hamper..!!!

I did leave a drink for you in The Jockey's Vlad .. But you didn't show..
Mucky Maureen took it into the cellar .. she said she was going to pour it back into the barrel..
She took Ginger John with her to help remove the stopper .. It was getting rusty..

That's because Ardvaarks are an endangered species and rare, I mean you see lots of cats everywhere shitting in your flower beds, and dogs peeing on lampposts, when was the last time you seen an ardvaark chasing a car or barking at a postman eh? 

[klondike]

Aw that's sad. They used to be so common too. Local fields used to be teeming with them.

[Vlad]

Aw that's sad. They used to be so common too. Local fields used to be teeming with them.

Yes indeed, herds of Ardvaarks roaming through our green and pleasant land and then the government introduced VAT 

[JBR]

We don't do cats! They are evil, slinky, haughty, drop fur everywhere, shred your curtains, leave half eaten mice on your doorstep, poo in your flower beds, scratch your leather sofa, eat really smelly food, are aloof and snotty, now Ardvaarks are really nice

Ours don't. 
- No fur anywhere (unless they have had a little fight).
- Never shredded our curtains (curtains don't seem of any interest to them).
- Only once have I seen a mouse which one of them had brought in, but it disappeared somewhere and I haven't been able to locate it since (and it's probably dead by now, but no noticeable smells).
- They don't poo in Marge's flower beds, but prefer a patch of bare earth and always cover up their poo in the traditional manner.
- They don't scratch our leather sofa, probably because we don't possess a leather sofa.
- They do eat smelly food, but it has quickly gone long before it becomes smelly.
- They are not aloof, but like to come and sit with us for a stroke, if they're bored.
- They are not snotty... well, perhaps a bit, if they come and kiss us.
- I have never had an aardvark, so I don't know.