The Jockeys Nostril

Mups · June 23, 2024, 10:52:05 PM

Quote from: Scrumpy on June 23, 2024, 07:42:11 PMI've only just been seen .. sat in A&E for hours..
My mouth was so wide people thought I was smiling at them and happy to be there.. A dustman with a bin stuck on his head and two peep holes to see through asked me for a date.. said he loved my wide mouth..
I had to have my dentures removed to get the bananas out.. No-one knows where they are.... I hope the bin man still fancies me..

Glad they were able to remove the bananas eventually, Scrumpy, it couldn't have easy having to keep grinning while you're trying to nod off.
I do hope someone find's your teeth though, as the pub has run out of soups I'm told.

Did you hear from the bin man any more? Did he still fancy you with no bananas and no teeth do you reckon? Hope they managed to get the bin off his head alright, although it seems a bit tight to grot about in the bottom of a bin just for a 1p coin.

klondike · June 23, 2024, 11:29:25 PM

Don't worry about the teeth Scrumpy. There is a pawnshop just round the corner from the Jockey's and they do a wide variety of gnashers. I replaced mine there just the other week for a much nicer set.

dextrous63 · June 24, 2024, 09:04:36 AM

Don't worry about your dentures Scrumps. Fat Kev nipped to B&M and bought a tin opener to use to open those old cans of soup.

Mups · June 24, 2024, 09:23:22 AM

Good morning good people. I see the Landlord's still in bed - too many late nights and loose women, again.

It's going to be a hot day again. I wondered whether we should rake out the blow-up paddling pool for the garden again this summer? Did anyone mend the punctures from the Landlords enthusiasm last year though?

dextrous63 · June 24, 2024, 09:26:54 AM

Oooh, yes please Mups. I fancy a dunk.

Vlad · June 24, 2024, 10:06:02 AM

Morning all....its hotter than two rats shagging in a wool sock here, for those of you with some money you can purchase a day pass to the VIP Pool in the Well Being Centre.
Any chance of someone getting me a pint? It's Brunch time.

Scrumpy · June 24, 2024, 10:10:19 AM

Quote from: klondike on June 23, 2024, 11:29:25 PMDon't worry about the teeth Scrumpy. There is a pawnshop just round the corner from the Jockey's and they do a wide variety of gnashers. I replaced mine there just the other week for a much nicer set.

That's interesting.. I might buy your old set.. Will I still talk posh though ?

dextrous63 · June 24, 2024, 10:22:27 AM

Have a drink on me Vlad.

Don't suppose you've got a bottle of domestos behind the bar? The water in the hot tub has developed a bit of an orange tinge after Klondy had a short dip earlier. I don't know how he got the bubbles going either, as the air pump wasn't actually plugged in.

Vlad · June 24, 2024, 10:27:32 AM

You are a star young man, make that a large one, any queries with regard to cleaning, health and Hygiene should be directed to Scrumpy who is duty cleaner today. I do wish everyone would read the notice board, it has the cleaning roster on there. Next to the advert about personal massage from Alex

dextrous63 · June 24, 2024, 10:34:32 AM

Ah. So it is. Scrumps is actually using her lack of dentures to good effect and is doing a sterling job as a vacuum cleaner to suck up detritus from the bottom of the pool. I have to admit that I never knew that it was possible to use a snorkel anywhere other than one's mouth to breath through.

Vlad · June 24, 2024, 10:48:50 AM

Quote from: dextrous63 on June 24, 2024, 10:34:32 AMAh. So it is. Scrumps is actually using her lack of dentures to good effect and is doing a sterling job as a vacuum cleaner to suck up detritus from the bottom of the pool. I have to admit that I never knew that it was possible to use a snorkel anywhere other than one's mouth to breath through.

Well people in high places and politics do tend to talk through their arse....but this is not a time to get serious... have noticed that my glass is empty?

dextrous63 · June 24, 2024, 11:11:10 AM

Quote from: Vlad on June 24, 2024, 10:48:50 AMWell people in high places and politics do tend to talk through their arse....but this is not a time to get serious... have noticed that my glass is empty?

That's strange. It was full a few minutes ago. Must be a faulty glass. Let me get you another one and see if that lasts longer.

Vlad · June 24, 2024, 11:37:17 AM

Quote from: dextrous63 on June 24, 2024, 11:11:10 AMThat's strange. It was full a few minutes ago. Must be a faulty glass. Let me get you another one and see if that lasts longer.

I like you, I don't know why, but there is something about you that I like, make that a double
Lager, I can see a promotion for you in the very near future.

dextrous63 · June 24, 2024, 11:40:25 AM

Sure thing. A quart is less than a pint anyway, so you'll not be over the limit when you drive home later.

Scrumpy · June 24, 2024, 11:45:55 AM

Quote from: Mups on June 23, 2024, 10:52:05 PMDid you hear from the bin man any more? Did he still fancy you with no bananas and no teeth do you reckon? Hope they managed to get the bin off his head alright, although it seems a bit tight to grot about in the bottom of a bin just for a 1p coin.

Well, let's put it this way.. He did phone and ask if he could empty my bin..
But... only on a Thursday..