The Jockeys Nostril

[klondike]

I wondered where Vlad was. Strutting his stuff on stage in the biker gear again I suppose.

All for a couple of pints too. He did offer them one but they said two was the cheapest they would go

[Mups]

I wondered where Vlad was. Strutting his stuff on stage in the biker gear again I suppose.

All for a couple of pints too. He did offer them one but they said two was the cheapest they would go

I suspect you are right.   He will get paid a couple of large Lagers,  a few packets of Peanuts,  and a few amorous old dears chasing him round the car park afterwards though.   

[Scrumpy]

All of them wanting a ride on his bike.. !!!!

Unfortunately he is not so good at revving up his engine these days..

[Mups]

All of them wanting a ride on his bike.. !!!!

Unfortunately he is not so good at revving up his engine these days..

Hmmm . .    Mucky Maureen said much the same. 
In fact I heard she asked the local Baker if a bit of Yeast dropped into his Lager might do the trick.

[Scrumpy]

       PROPERTY  FOR  SALE   THE JOCKEY'S NOSTRIL

Interesting little business..
 Serving drinks of all descriptions.. 
Hot food served cold..
Landlord has retired to a home for the bewildered and is having treatment for excessive alcohol intake.
The key is being held at BARRY'S KEENE  two doors away.. and up the back passage.

Offers in the region of 1000,000... A weekly payment will be considered..
 
Once the hub of the community.. Famous faces would flock to hide from the press and adoring fans..  Huw Edwards.. Philip Schofield.. and Prince Andrews could be found here..
This property comes with a woman who lives in the cellar.. and a practicing Pole who is hanging from a curtain rod..
All time wasters will be considered.

[Mups]

This is sad news indeed.   I had known that landlord for many a year.
An old soldier he was,  and an excellent man in his day -  (when he could leave the ladies alone).  Got him into  many a scrape that did.   
I have no doubt it was a life time of that dubious Lager which tipped him over the edge though.

However,  time catches up with us all and I just hope he will be well looked after in his new home for the bewildered. 
I will personally drop a hint to the management to ensure the young nurses safety though. 

I did hear that Mucky Maureen has been pining quite badly for him, so has emerged from the cellar after all these years, looking rather pale,    and is trying to book the room next to him at the Home, so that could be interesting.

If  it will be ok for me to have a nostalgic look around,  I can make my own way up the neighbour's back passage to obtain the spare key,  I know it well. 

P.S. 

I thought the discreet notice on the back door letting the celebrities know, was a very good idea.
I will also be suggesting to the selling agents that the member of staff  who composed the advertisement should have their wages doubled immediately.    Excellent wording.  I am sure it will create much interest. 

[Vlad]

Greetings all
Tonight's Quiz here in the Function Room Of your fav watering hole The Jockeys Nostril

THE QUIZ
Tick....one box only, return your completed answer paper to Mups the Entertainment Coordinator and Quizer 


Question One on Astronomy 
The universe is ..?

• Big
• Very Big
• Ginormous

Question Two on Physics...
Muon g−2 is a particle physics experiment at Fermilab to measure the anomalous magnetic dipole moment of a muon to a precision of 0.14 ppm, how do you spell Muon?

• Mewon 
• Muhonn
•  Muon

Question Three on Mathematics... 
If a chicken and half lay an egg and half in a day and a half how many bananas can you eat in one sitting?

• 2
• 1 but only sideways 
• I don't like bananas 

Question Four on animals..
A blue whale's anus can stretch up to 3 and a half feet, making it the world's second largest arsehole next to Keir Starmer 
1 True
2 False
3 No, Lewis Hamilton is a bigger arsehole

Question Five on  Mythological Science. 
You glimpse a shimmering Unicorn through the foliage...
 and as it gets nearer you realise that?
 1.It's just a Horse with an traffic cone stuck on its head
 2. There are no such things as Unicorns
3. What's foliage?

Question Six on The Meaning of Life
If the Answer was 42 what was the Question?

• 6x7
• Who designed the Norwegian fjords.
• 47 corrected for inflation.

Thank you, that's all for tonight.
The scrutinisers will check your answers and announce the winners later tonight, due to the football  we may be a bit late in awarding the prizes 
In the event of a draw there will be a dance off similar to what John Travolta did in Pulp Fiction

And the prizes are:
The Winner will receive an all areas Platinum Pass allowing the holder 24 hour access to the VIP Pool, Health Centre, Restaurant and the Landlords Suite.

The Runner up (female only) will receive an invite to the Landlords Flat for a night of passion and lust. 
If Male a choice of crisps and pork scratchings to the value of 10/6d  with a free pint.
The last placed contestant will be mocked.
We hope you enjoy our quiz
Mups  Entertainment Coordinator 

[Mups]

Well thank you for considering me for the job,  landlord.

I know of some lady-boys who would like to be part of the entertainment acts,  how do you feel about that?    I told them I would have to ask you first.

[Vlad]

Are they buying?

[JBR]

"A blue whale's anus can stretch up to 3 and a half feet, making it the world's second largest arsehole next to Keir Starmer "

I love that one.  I shall certainly keep it ready for future use.  Thank you.

[klondike]

I'm not convinced that is correct though. Does it really beat Lineker?

[Scrumpy]

Couldn't see the boxes.. So I just put my ticks up..
I hope they are right..
I am so excited.. 
If I get a second can I bring my friend Connie.?
We do everything together... 

[GrannyMac]

"A blue whale's anus can stretch up to 3 and a half feet, making it the world's second largest arsehole next to Keir Starmer "

I love that one.  I shall certainly keep it ready for future use.  Thank you.

Me too, I thought it was an inspired comparison.  😁. 

April 27, 2025, 06:57:49 AM

Couldn't see the boxes.. So I just put my ticks up..
I hope they are right..
I am so excited..
If I get a second can I bring my friend Connie.?
We do everything together...

You'll definitely be in line as runner up, especially if your friend Connie plans to be there.  🤗

[klondike]

Just a reminder.

The Jockey's has reopened for business following the landlords release...

[Scrumpy]

 The bag on the left could be Mucky Maureen... 
She was playing the game 'Who's in the Bag' with Shifty Cyril.. 

Heaven knows how they did it but the other bag could  
 even be Cyril.. !!  Mucky Maureen is one helluva gal..