The Jockeys Nostril

[Vlad]

Indeed sir you may have another on Dex which I shall pour.

Now I am interested in this great world turtle A'Tuin. As I recall there was much speculation over whether A'Tuin was male or female and studies were underway to discover this ultimate truth. There was a  whip round to provide the necessary funding for the huge length of rope that would be needed to lower some brave sole over the edge of the world and down far enough to have a peep.

Now as I recall the funding was almost complete when the hat just disappeared. This was a week or two before the first opening of your fine establishment. I was wondering if there were any plans to start another round of fundraising which I believe you organised originally.

Thank you for you kind offer of a drink which I accept, it was a double lager wasn't it? With regard to funding I am in a position to offer the position of Enterprise ( nuffink to do with the Star Ship Enterprise and split infinitives of course) and Development Manager to a suitably qualified  forum member to oversee and seek out new life and new civilisations...ooops ..sorry to seek out new funding opportunities for the proposed Jockeys Nostril Theme Park. ( Subject to Planning Permission and thick brown envelopes  stuffed with spondoolicks being trousered by the right councillor in the Planning Dept.)
If you are aware of any forum member who has passed an 11+ in Arithmetic and Hard  Sums and looking for employment in an Equal Opportunities Employer then they might be over qualified for this job. We would look kindly at a Diane Abbott clone.....did you just ask if I wanted another pint? 

[klondike]

I think it was Mups you heard asking. Thanks Mups we'll both partake if there is a different tap from the one I pulled the donkey's piss that I was luckily able to pass on.

[Mups]

I think it was Mups you heard asking. Thanks Mups we'll both partake if there is a different tap from the one I pulled the donkey's piss that I was luckily able to pass on.

I was just about to get the landlord another bucket ..  . .   ahem,  I meant GLASS of Lager.   

Would you like to indulge as well, Sir  -  Dex said he's paying. 

[klondike]

Oh yes please. Be sure to avoid that middle tap as I fear the tubes may need flushing. Certainly the sip I tried from the pint I pulled tasted as if it had the power to give me a good flushout from one end or the other.

[Mups]

Oh yes please. Be sure to avoid that middle tap as I fear the tubes may need flushing. Certainly the sip I tried from the pint I pulled tasted as if it had the power to give me a good flushout from one end or the other.

Heaven forbid, man!.   I'd better get the barman to clean that pump out pronto.

In the meantime,  I'm glad I don't have to clean the Gents!     

[klondike]

Ah yes. 
The gents. 
Sorry about that. I found out shortly after that prior post which end would be getting the flushout. 

Who was in charge of cleaning? Was it Scrumpy?

[Vlad]

Some of those drawings and comments on the walls in the men's big are a tad extreme and in some cases anatomically impossible, and how do they know how big my willy is? I suspect some of the female staff and punter have been in there.

[Mups]

Some of those drawings and comments on the walls in the men's big are a tad extreme and in some cases anatomically impossible, and how do they know how big my willy is? I suspect some of the female staff and punter have been in there.

 It's common knowledge, Vladsy.   

[Vlad]

Thank you Mups, I bow to your superior knowledge of my genitalia  ....
But you shouldn't believe everything you read on toilet walls, 

Sharon was not up for a good time...what an awkward phone call that was...

[Mups]

Well Mucky Maureen waited down the cellar for you for weeks.   She kept saying you'd be here soon.
We had to keep taking her food and water.
When the pub closed,  we had to ask her to leave though.

However,  her sister,  Randy Rita said she will be more than happy to keep you 'amused'  if you wish?

If you hear three knocks on the door at midnight, and a red rose is dropped through the letter box -  it's her. 

[Scrumpy]

Ah yes.
The gents.
Sorry about that. I found out shortly after that prior post which end would be getting the flushout.

Who was in charge of cleaning? Was it Scrumpy?

I'm not putting my hand .. or head down there.. Too bloody dark..

I am no longer a cleaner..  I want promotion.. and a rise... a big one..

[klondike]

I want promotion.. and a rise... a big one..

You'll need to contact Vlad about that. Be sure to handle him firmly and he'll come up with the goods.   

[Mups]

You'll need to contact Vlad about that. Be sure to handle him firmly and he'll come up with the goods.   

Ooh I say.   

You must now stay behind and write 100 lines saying . . . .  I must try to behave.   

[Vlad]

I'm not putting my hand .. or head down there.. Too bloody dark..

I am no longer a cleaner..  I want promotion.. and a rise... a big one..

Is there a position you feel that you could fill? Personal assistant to tge landlord perhaps? The perks are very good, including a Platinum Members Card, with access to all areas inclining the lift direct to the Landlords Presidential Suite  

February 05, 2025, 06:35:36 PM

You'll need to contact Vlad about that. Be sure to handle him firmly and he'll come up with the goods.   

I am rather partial to being handled firmly, it's a character failing.

[Scrumpy]

Is there a position you feel that you could fill? Personal assistant to tge landlord perhaps? The perks are very good, including a Platinum Members Card, with access to all areas inclining the lift direct to the Landlords Presidential Suite 

Oh!! Ok!! then I will give it a weeks trial..
You better come up with the goods..