The Jockeys Nostril

[dextrous63]

Boom boom!

Is that the noise make when they hit the floor? 

[Vlad]

Is that the noise make when they hit the floor?

Are you buying? 

[klondike]

Sorry can't hear you. I'm getting this clonking noise all the time as I walk.

[dextrous63]

Klonk klick, every trip

[Vlad]

Enough of this nonsense...

From: The office of Vlad Part 2, Landlord of The Jockeys Nostril Gastro Pub and Leisure Complex.
To: All Punters.

A one off offer, and only available this week.
An offer not to be missed, you won't see this offer available on the internet webby thing.
This offer is only available to Punters of The Jockeys Nostril Gastro Pub and Leisure Complex

Now available The Gold All Areas Jockeys Nostril Membership card. For a very modest charge this one off Members card will allow you access to the Restaurant without having to book, the Leisure Complex with free access to a locker and ..yes wait for it ...a free ( on loan) towel.
But that's not all, all 'patrons' who sign up for this All Access Membership will receive a FREE Parker Pen, yes ..this only available to Members who sign up for our 12 month contract. This FREE offer of a limited offer Parker Pen will be sent directly to you in a First Class Brown Paper Envelope

Vlad Part 2 your genial host is in the bar now and ready to accept your application. We take cash, cheques and PayPal
We thank you.

[dextrous63]

How much??

[Alex]

How much??

Any BOGOF s  ?

[klondike]

Can we have our pens presented by Parky please.

January 28, 2025, 09:22:38 PM

How much??

Any oik asking such a question is clearly unable to afford admission to such a prestigious establishment.

[Mups]

Do you need a Waitress for the Restaurant, Landlord?  I can do Sunday lunchtimes too,  if you want?

I could do with earning a few tips. 

[Vlad]

How much??

Nudge nudge! A nod is has good as a wink to a blind man, for you Sir I am sure we can come to an agreement that will satisfy us both.

January 28, 2025, 09:48:02 PM

Can we have our pens presented by Parky please.

January 28, 2025, 09:22:38 PMAny oik asking such a question is clearly unable to afford admission to such a prestigious establishment.

Bugger! I wish I had thought of that, your Parker pen is in the post..

January 28, 2025, 09:48:38 PM

Do you need a Waitress for the Restaurant, Landlord?  I can do Sunday lunchtimes too,  if you want?

I could do with earning a few tips. 

Consider yourself employed lovely lady 

January 28, 2025, 09:52:50 PM

Any BOGOF s  ?

Anything is possible to the right person who might be offering favours in order get a free ( I wonder if your realise how much pain I went through typing out that word) card I could look favourably at your request for a small donation to the Vlad Part 2 Home for unwed Mothers? .

[Mups]

Ooooh,  lovely,  thank you kind Sir.

I've got a nice  frilly pinny, and proper stocking with seams.  Will that do?   

[Vlad]

Ooooh,  lovely,  thank you kind Sir.

I've got a nice  frilly pinny, and proper stocking with seams.  Will that do?   

Bloody behave 😀

[dextrous63]

Ooooh,  lovely,  thank you kind Sir.

I've got a nice  frilly pinny, and proper stocking with seams.  Will that do?   

You been dressing that poor dog up again?  😬😬

[Mups]

Bloody behave 😀

OK,  I'll try.   No promises mind. 


January 29, 2025, 09:24:39 AM

You been dressing that poor dog up again?  😬😬

No,  not till her next birthday. 
I could always dress you up instead, if you want? 

[Scrumpy]

Nudge nudge! A nod is has good as a wink to a blind man, for you Sir I am sure we can come to an agreement that will satisfy us both.

Oooooo!!!  Say no more... 
Your secret is safe with me..

Can I be head barmaid please ?... I can make a wicked cocktail.. Customers queue up to watch me shake..