The Jockeys Nostril

[dextrous63]

Let us know which ward your "friend" ends up in after the stomach pump.

[Mups]

Bit short on patrons in this establishment this evening?  

Do you reckon they've got those strippers on again at the Dog & Bone down the road?

[GrannyMac]

B&Q, in the decorating sundries section.

I was in there yesterday, buying a pressure washer.  Didn't see no lurv drugs tho..

Perhaps you meant B&M?

[dextrous63]

I was in there yesterday, buying a pressure washer.  Didn't see no lurv drugs tho..

Perhaps you meant B&M?

Or S&M 😉😬😬😬

[Scrumpy]

Phew!! I'm knackered.. I have been in the Dog and Bone all night..
My, all cotton full M&S knickers, took ages to get off..

[dextrous63]

You mean, you actually wore some??

[Mups]

Phew!! I'm knackered.. I have been in the Dog and Bone all night..
My, all cotton full M&S knickers, took ages to get off..

Yeah, I saw you struggling a bit,  Scrumps. 
Mind you,  mine landed in some old bloke's glass of brown ale. .   I didn't mean to throw them like that . .

Is Vlad up yet?  The  brewery will be here shortly . . .

[klondike]

Might be the last time I go. It seems they have to serve strainers with their brown ale. Looked second hand too.

[Mups]

Might be the last time I go. It seems they have to serve strainers with their brown ale. Looked second hand too.

Cheeky blighter.    What do you expect if you only cough up for the cheap seats.   

[Mups]

Last Orders please.   

We'll be closing in 10 minutes, so drink up  if you please  . . .       

[Vlad]

Good morning punters...
Tonight is Quiz Nite in the Function Room with the obligatory and recycled complimentary peanuts.
Entrance is free and there will be prizes....ooooooh I hear you cry.
Please come early in order to avoid the rush.
Thank you.

[Vlad]

Public Announcement
From: Alan D Lord. CEO Vlad Enterprises Inc.
To: Vlad, All Staff and Punters.
We, here at Vlad Enterprise Inc are pleased to announce that th Jockeys Nostril Gastro Pub and Conference Centre will be holding the very first Ashram in a British Pub like ever ok?
A discussion and Q&A by by the Ascended Master Ching Rampoche - who also runs the wet fish concession outside the job centre and Vlad our esteemed landlord, international traveller and all round good egg  will be conducted in the snug at a date yet to be confirmed.
So if you would like to hear more about Buddhism which is less strict than Hinduism and cheaper than Christianity and  meditation then get your tickets from any of the staff.
Thank you.

[dextrous63]

May I suggest a tie break question for the quiz nite?  Doesn't matter if anyone sees it beforehand, since they'll need a fair amount of time to think about it anyway..

What have the Islamic Community done for the UK?  Positives only please.

[Vlad]

May I suggest a tie break question for the quiz nite?  Doesn't matter if anyone sees it beforehand, since they'll need a fair amount of time to think about it anyway..

What have the Islamic Community done for the UK?  Positives only please.

Far too serious Dex.we don't do politics  in the Jockeys Nostril.its in your Rule Book, page 2, No politics, religion or poofters.

[dextrous63]

Far too serious Dex.we don't do politics  in the Jockeys Nostril.its in your Rule Book, page 2, No politics, religion or poofters.

Ah sorry.  I'll take those call for prayer 45's out of the jukebox.  I only put them in there for the local Imam...Gay Ghatrif.