The Jockeys Nostril

[Scrumpy]

Be still my beating heart.
A big bear hug for you Yogi..

[Yogi]

Well thanks Scrumpy. 

[Vlad]

I need the OK from the boss first. Might try for a job there too. It looks like he's not fussy. I'm wondering if I'll fit though - I've noticed that some of the customers do seem distinctly odd. Naming no names naturally.

I have checked The  Jockeys Nostril Rules and Regulations 2024 (amended)
Briefly ...dogs are permitted with a number of exceptions.

1. Wet Dogs are not allowed in the Snug, Health Centre or Swimming pool.
2. Dogs are not allowed in the owners flat.
3. Dogs are allowed in the bar if they are buying.
4. Dogs are not allowed to poo, piss, fart, bark or throw up anywhere on the premises
5. Dogs are not allowed to hump punters legs.
Other than that you are welcome, a pre lunch pint of cooking lager woul be nice.....

July 11, 2024, 09:34:23 AM
From Vladopedia.
Why do dogs lick their balls?

Because they can. 
Boom boom

[Yogi]

Rules 4 and 5 do seem a bit doggist as you clearly don't apply them your human customers from what I've heard.

I'll have a pint of Hofmeister please



and have something yourself -  Dex has agreed that it can go on his tab so don't hold back.

[klondike]

2. Dogs are not allowed in the owners flat

That one's clearly not applicable to you. I've spotted some right old dogs leaving by the back door in the early hours.

[Vlad]

Rules 4 and 5 do seem a bit doggist as you clearly don't apply them your human customers from what I've heard.

I'll have a pint of Hofmeister please



and have something yourself -  Dex has agreed that it can go on his tab so don't hold back.

The rules are the rules mate, tell your dog.

And a tale from the dark side where Vlad was cast down for disobeying the rules...

In the land of Mod lived the Beasts, the Guardians of the Rules. and the Beasts were many and brought terror to those that posted without first worshiping at the altar of The Rules.

For  the rules were many, some ancient, their meanings lost in time, some that few but scholars could understand and they were numbered and these numbers would be cascaded down upon those that transgressed the rules.
And the rules were the rules and were not to be questioned but obeyed because they were the rules.

And those that did transgress did not understand The Rules, for the number of the Rule was oft accompanied by warnings and signs of the rolling eyes, sighs and tut tuts, and the people were sore afraid that were to be  condemned to write all that was soft and fluffy till the end time for they feared the Wrath of the Guardians of the Rules
But amongst the people there were the word warriors those who cared not a jot for the soft and fluffy but who ventured unafraid into the maw of the beast and did use the words that brought down the wrath of The Guardians, the Keepers of the Rules
Those who dared were often cast down and branded by The Guardians and they were marked with the sign  of the banned, the moderated or the watched and still the people did not understand.
one such warrior was Vlad a naive and callow youth (poetic licence ok?) who stumbled by accident upon a word that opened the doorway into the Land of Mod and the Lair of the Beasts and the word was the acronym. ..... and this was followed by warnings that good news was upsetting two posters

Like the Guardians of the Rules the acronym was a strange beast who could be revealed in its fullness but never ever in its shortened form which would incur the most drastic of punishments..Even now after many days  the acronym cannot be revealed but can be whispered amongst the faithful by pm or e-mail.

And Vlad in all his innocent youth did utter the acronym and spread good news  and the doors to hell opened and the rule and it was numbered 1, 5, 7, 8 and 10 was cast down upon him and that he was to be scourged for five days and branded ' moderated' but this was not enough he would also be 'watched' for fear he might also transgress again.
And Vlad did protest to the Maker of the Rules who was to busy to reply and did  pass the transgression back to The Guardians of the Rules.
And the Guardian of the rules spoke to Vlad (and the less said about that the better) for the rules say 'thou shalt not take the name of the Guardians in vain'


July 11, 2024, 01:20:49 PM

Rules 4 and 5 do seem a bit doggist as you clearly don't apply them your human customers from what I've heard.

I'll have a pint of Hofmeister please



and have something yourself -  Dex has agreed that it can go on his tab so don't hold back.

Yes I have supped some Hoff in my time, very moorish and oddly Helles was a barracks in North Yorkshire where I started my military career. Remind me to thank Dex when this barrel is finished 

[Yogi]

Oh great and mighty one.

Is there any date set for the talent competition? Would anybody object if I practiced my trumpet in the Snug?

[Scrumpy]

I vote that Yogi can blow his own trumpet anywhere he likes..

Put my name down for the Talent Competition.
I can talk out of my own arse.. and toss a pancake at the same time.
I can do a duet with Mups.. She can talk out the back of her head..

[Mups]

I vote that Yogi can blow his own trumpet anywhere he likes..

Put my name down for the Talent Competition.
I can talk out of my own arse.. and toss a pancake at the same time.
I can do a duet with Mups.. She can talk out the back of her head..

True,  and do it every day too, Scrumps.    

It took a long time to learn,  but I kept practicing until enough people told me I got it right. 

I must say I also admire your admirable skills greatly, too.   

[Yogi]

Excellent. I was thinking of entering in two categories. I'm looking for somewhere to practice the bagpipes which may involve fellow pipers so the snug may be a bit cramped for that. OK if I practice those with maybe 5 or 6 others round at your place?

[Vlad]

2. Dogs are not allowed in the owners flat

That one's clearly not applicable to you. I've spotted some right old dogs leaving by the back door in the early hours.

All dogs are the same in the dark mate. 😂

July 11, 2024, 04:32:57 PM

I vote that Yogi can blow his own trumpet anywhere he likes..

Put my name down for the Talent Competition.
I can talk out of my own arse.. and toss a pancake at the same time.
I can do a duet with Mups.. She can talk out the back of her head..

Is that a euphemism? 

[GrannyMac]

Nah, its a flat sweet cake thing made out of batter.  Or a savoury one - remember Findus?  

I won't be entering the talent show, I have none.  I'll happily be the writer down and adder up of marks if one is needed to decide the winner.  

[Vlad]

Nah, its a flat sweet cake thing made out of batter.  Or a savoury one - remember Findus? 

I won't be entering the talent show, I have none.  I'll happily be the writer down and adder up of marks if one is needed to decide the winner. 

A Findus Euphemism? Never heard of it.
Nevertheless consider yourself elected, to organize and judge the Grand FINALE of the Jockeys Nostril Talent Competition 2024. 

[GrannyMac]

A Findus Euphemism? Never heard of it.
Nevertheless consider yourself elected, to organize and judge the Grand FINALE of the Jockeys Nostril Talent Competition 2024.

Right you are boss! 

🥇🥈🥉🏆

I've got the prizes ready!  I do think a bagpipe playing dog that presents as a bear (how woke!) must have an advantage over the others.  I hope some more entrants turn up for the big event.  Talking out of various parts of one's anatomy isn't usually a winning formula.  Unless you're a politician of course.

[Vlad]

I shall be entering the Underwater Wrestling Competition dressed in my Batman costume 
As the only entrant I expect to win. Thank you.