The Jockeys Nostril

[Vlad]

Make mine a double ty

[Mups]

What a quiet lunchtime in the bar.    No one playing pool,  no one at the dart board . . .

I asked one the man in the beige cardi  what the difference was between snooker and pool,  and do you know what he said?
He informed me that snooker players have smaller balls and pockets than pool players.

You learn something new every day here. 

Oh well,  I'm off to see if those barrels have been changed before we open tonight.  That lager was a funny colour lunchtime. 


*  *



Oh dear,  I trust everyone knew I was talking about the balls and pockets on the snooker table?   


I just had a thought . . .  it the  'free beer tomorrow notice'  goes up tomorrow,  how do  punters know which day it refers to?
Every day the notice could be referring to the next day,  so the  actual day never actually comes. 

Clever move ey, Landlord.   

[klondike]

[GrannyMac]

😁😁 

I wonder how many punters would only read the top two!

[klondike]

Alan D. Lord is hoping plenty would.

P.S. Sorry about the Americanisms but I guess you are getting used to those by now.

[Mups]

Good morning punters.

Where are the kitchen staff today?   Still hungover?

It's not far off lunchtime, yet there is no menu written on the chalk board,  last night's dishes still in the sink,  and I've just had to bring the milk in.

They had better get a move on,  Alan D Lord will be wanting his bacon & mushroom butty at mid-day.

[Vlad]

The mental image of Alan, Fat Kev and Vlad topless and pulling pints behind the bar will live with me for long time...

[Mups]

The mental image of Alan, Fat Kev and Vlad topless and pulling pints behind the bar will live with me for long time...

Ooh don't . . . .   that was unfair.    I can't 'unsee'  that now. 

[Vlad]

Ooh don't . . . .  that was unfair.    I can't 'unsee'  that now. 

It's not pretty is it?....man boobs resting on the beer mats whilst your pint is being pulled.....ewww!

[Mups]

It's not pretty is it?....man boobs resting on the beer mats whilst your pint is being pulled.....ewww!

No, its certainly not a pretty sight, Vlad.

The man boobs are bad enough,  but its what may be dangling in the drip trays that I find most unsettling.      Heaven forbid.  

[Vlad]

Bloody behave will ya! 

[Cassandra]

Reference 'The Jockey's Nostril' (Attn The Landlord k/a 'Vlad')

Gambling is a complex activity and it has been reported to me by a disgruntled member that you may have breached legislative procedure in the setting up of your 'bingo' scheme. It seems necessary licensing detail has at best been cursory and 'laissez faire' within it's curtilage of abeyance.

We are ready to serve an existing Mareva Injunction and would request that you contact the firm below within 7 days c/o

Mr George Stitt LLB and bar (lounge)
c/o Sue Grabbit and Run - Solicitors
P.O. Box 666a
Ponzi House, Charles Banjo Street
Grand Cayman

(tel 12345 007 777777) - Calls cost £1k per minute plus your normal network charge

[GrannyMac]

Get outa that Alan! 🫣

[Vlad]

Reference 'The Jockey's Nostril' (Attn The Landlord k/a 'Vlad')

Gambling is a complex activity and it has been reported to me by a disgruntled member that you may have breached legislative procedure in the setting up of your 'bingo' scheme. It seems necessary licensing detail has at best been cursory and 'laissez faire' within it's curtilage of abeyance.

We are ready to serve an existing Mareva Injunction and would request that you contact the firm below within 7 days c/o

Mr George Stitt LLB and bar (lounge)
c/o Sue Grabbit and Run - Solicitors
P.O. Box 666a
Ponzi House, Charles Banjo Street
Grand Cayman

(tel 12345 007 777777) - Calls cost £1k per minute plus your normal network charge

Ok guv! It's a fair cop. Would a plain brown envelope stuffed with some readies easy the pain?

July 04, 2024, 08:10:15 PM

Get outa that Alan! 🫣

I think not cherub, I have a cunning plan, its as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning. See above.

[Scrumpy]

Ok guv! It's a fair cop. Would a plain brown envelope stuffed with some readies easy the pain?

Are you saying that our Cassandra.. A reputable barrister will take a back hander.. !!!