The Jockeys Nostril

[dextrous63]

Yeah,  and another thing . . . where's that Landlord gone?
Has he gone on the cruise with that other bloke? 

They're cruising for a bruising!!

[Vlad]

Dear  Bingo Players
With regard to complaints made about the running of the Saturday night Bingo session
I write, inter alia, in connection with the recent communication  from Vlad, mine genial host, landlord and good egg of the Jockeys Nostril Gastro Pub and Conference Centre, carpe diem.
As Vlad Enterprises actual proper lawyer - and not just his mate from the darts team who's offered to knock up a vaguely legal-sounding letter for him - I have advised my client that all aggrieved parties do not have a leg to stand on. Nevertheless and in vino veritas and, ergo, post meridian,
I am given to understand, dictum factum, that you assert there was a fix in the distribution of prizes. Well, if you will excuse the legal parlance, that is bang out of order,. Having reviewed the Function Room security cameras  we note on Saturday evening,ex post facto, caveat emptor and spaghetti carbonara, I have found, quo vadis, no clause that specifically states that Vlad Enterprises and its Agents forsooth Edna Entertainment Coordinater have to award prizes if punters do not attended the previously mentioned Bingo Night (Got you by the curlies there right?)
I am sure, per ardua ad astra, that the repercussions of this omission will be quite plain to you. For the avoidance of doubt I would refer you to the case of Atomic Cleaners Ltd vs Maximillian the Wonder Dog, which clearly establishes a precedent, quod erat demonstrandum and, indeed, in flagrante delicto.
My client awaits your response.


Perry Rumpole, Bsc, TCP, WD40
Solicitor at Law

[Scrumpy]

just read the above..

Could I book a table for two please.. A window table.. With a view over the car park.. I need to keep an eye on my getaway motor..

[klondike]

I'll have one too so long as it's near the door as well as having a view of the beautiful car park. 7:30pm and with a bottle of shampoo on ice. Silver plate et vile danker.

[Vlad]

Attention all staff and punters.
The function room is temporarily closed whilst litigation is in progress.
Please direct any queries to Vlad who is currently in the bar awaiting a pint. Thank you.

[klondike]

I'll join you in a pint Vlad. This business does leave a nasty taste in the mouth. Suggestions of underhand dealings always do. Please put the drinks on dex's tab.

[Vlad]

I'll join you in a pint Vlad. This business does leave a nasty taste in the mouth. Suggestions of underhand dealings always do. Please put the drinks on dex's tab.

What an excellent idea, make mine a double lager, after my lawyer has done with him he won't have enough money to have a tab.

[dextrous63]

What an excellent idea, make mine a double lager, after my lawyer has done with him he won't have enough money to have a tab.

This can easily be resolved if we have another bingo night.  This time though, it would be nice if we were all allowed in the main room, and not most of us being bundled behind the array of broken pinball machines while Kev called out the numbers from photocopies of the "legitimate" winners' bingo cards.

[Vlad]

We will consider your proposal Dex, meanwhile are you buying, my glass seems to be empty?

[dextrous63]

Of course...here you go

[Mups]

[dextrous63]

That's the most intelligent thing you've ever said.😬

[Mups]

That's the most intelligent thing you've ever said.😬

'Ere you,  I'll have you know I bought Vlad a pint too,  a large one,  and I even found a special glass for him.
I had taken a picture to make all the other blokes jealous of Vlad's special glass,  but when I put it on view,  it had disappeared.    

 So I want to know who's nicked it.    

[klondike]

It'll be the phantom picture nicker. They call him sausage fingers in some parts. He puts silly typos in a lot of my posts which I try to go back and fix but not always.

[Vlad]

Thank you Dex, that will do nicely, I will let you have a discounted ticket for our next Bingo Nite mate