Beryl went to London to see the Christmas lights
Never before had she seen such sights

Beryl went to London to see the Christmas lights
Never before had she seen such sights
Then after two glasses of warming mulled wine

Beryl went to London to see the Christmas lights
Never before had she seen such sights
Then after two glasses of warming mulled wine
the lights became bigger and so did their shine

Beryl went to London to see the Christmas lights
Never before had she seen such sights
Then after two glasses of warming mulled wine
The lights became bigger and so did their shine
Until she slipped over and buggered her tights


Santa was busy loading his sleigh

Santa was busy loading his sleigh
Christmas was coming so he couldn't delay

Santa was busy loading his sleigh
Christmas was coming so he couldn't delay
The elves were no help - all blind drunk

Santa was busy loading his sleigh
Christmas was coming so he couldn't delay
The elves were no help - all blind drunk
And most of the gifts were expensive junk

Santa was busy loading his sleigh
Christmas was coming so he couldn't delay
The elves were no help- all blind drunk
And most of the gifts were expensive junk
Made in Mumbai.. That was once Bombay

Nigel ate a penis.. and some camel eyes too

Nigel ate a penis.. and some camel eyes too
Could have been worse - maybe crocodile poo

Nigel ate a penis.. and some camel eyes too
Could have been worse - maybe crocodile poo
He bravely chomped and down they slid

Nigel ate a penis.. and some camel eyes too
Could have been worse - maybe crocodile poo
He bravely chomped and down they slid
He then threw up in a nearby grid         

Nigel ate a penis.. and some camel eyes too
Could have been worse - maybe crocodile poo
He bravely chomped and down they slid
He then threw up in a nearby grid  
And prayed for something better to chew

I'd really love to see Nigel win

I'd really love to see Nigel win
We'll know tonight when the votes are in

I'd really love to see Nigel win
We'll know tonight when the votes are in
I hope he wins votes in the jungle and out

I'd really love to see Nigel win
We'll know tonight when the votes are in
I hope he wins votes in the jungle and out
He'll have lots of support - of that there's no doubt