The road to Alan's Snackbar and other musings

[Vlad]

All right then, what is Buddhism?

 Buddhism is cool.  It's less strict than Hinduism and cheaper than Catholicism.  Actually, it's less like a religion and more like a way of life.  It's all about meditation and the strict observance of moral precepts.  There's also some stuff about Enlightenment, but I'm not really sure about that side of it yet.

   How do I find Buddhism?

 Well in my case, Buddhism found me.  I got a leaflet from Alan's Snackbar telling me about an introductory lecture down at the community centre, given by the Ascended Master Ching Rampoche - who also runs the wet fish concession outside the job centre.  I was curious, but I didn't want to just stroll straight in. I may only have been in the Army for six weeks, but I still understand the importance of reconnaissance.  I hung around outside for a while, watching people enter.   Then I took a brief stroll around the building, noting all the exits and possible escape routes.  Finally I plucked up the courage and went in.  Simple really.
Okay, so how can Buddhism help me?

 That was the very question I asked myself.  But as I listened to Master Rimpoche's learned words, it became obvious that Buddhism was what was missing from my life.   Under his guidance I have learned to quell the inner rage that threatened to tear me apart - for anger is merely an expression of suffering, and can be eliminated by eradicating my desires.  With every step upon my journey along the eightfold path I became stronger and more resolute.  Buddhism has blessed me with a sense of inner peace.


And there is more...

August 04, 2025, 02:43:17 PM
Hang on - this Buddhism lark sounds like it's for wimmen!

 Did I mention that it also enables me to kick seven shades of crapout of anybody who gets in my way?

   Ah!  Now that's more like it.

 Too right. As well as providing an excuse to go around dressed only in a sheet, Buddhism has also shown me how to clear my mind of confusing and unproductive thoughts and achieve a state of tranquillity.  This tranquillity can then be unleashed with devastating force on anyone who decides to give me grief.

   Wicked.  So who was this Buddha chap?  He seems like a decent bloke.

 Buddha's real name was Siddhartha Gotama, but that sounded a bit gay so all his mates called him Buddha.  He was a monk with a bald head, and he was rock hard and could have sort out anybody in his village.  He also liked table tennis.

   If Buddha was alive today, would he be able to beat Bruce Lee in a fight?

 Yeah, he'd slap him silly.  Bruce Lee is dead.

[Vlad]

Damn...we are back on track 😀

[Vlad]

Ok. 

[klondike]

Reading Vlads tale of Buddhism reminded me of that old TV series where a Shaolin monk ended up in the wild west. I couldn't understand much of that either but you could guarantee one or more ot the black hat cowboys would be getting a good kicking every week.

Right now I don't recall the name of the series or the monk but oddly do remember the actor - David Carradine but maybe not how to spell that.

[Dextrous63]

Klondy..

[klondike]

Thanks. I did search straight after the post and found that but it was my phone in bed and I went to sleep right after. Now I'm wondering if it's worth checking to see if there are any in the Emporium. I enjoyed them at the time but I think i was probably easily pleased all those years ago. I still might though

[klondike]

No need for the Emporium - it seems Youtube  has them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ozjwnG55Uk&list=PLtNkj7EmAqVgpN3d4N8O2MWnzQrwcgx-a

More than two hours of incomprehensible memorabilia

[Vlad]

Thanks for moving...K

[klondike]

Thank Mac for it was she who saw the way to elevate this epic tale of mystery (or indeed incomprehensibilily) from it's lowly and unappreciated or maybe inappropriate birthplace to the opening post in a new forum section of it's own.

[Vlad]

Thank Mac for it was she who saw the way to elevate this epic tale of mystery (or indeed incomprehensibilily) from it's lowly and unappreciated or maybe inappropriate birthplace to the opening post in a new forum section of it's own.

Will do, admittedly it was in the wrong place, there was a little bit of a topic creep, the English do love their weather reports and any post that detracts from that enjoyment is to be given short shrift and stereophonic 'tut, tuts' 
Nevertheless the tale will continue.

[Vlad]

Thank you for the work you did Mark, all my ramblings under the same roof, there is a Blue Peter Badge in tge post.

[Vlad]

So, is there any money in Buddhism?  Surely there must be a fiddle going on somewhere?

 Buddhism teaches us that wealth is impermanent and does not guarantee happiness.   A true Buddhist pursues enlightenment, not money.  Of course, Buddha lived millions of years ago, when trainers were much cheaper and there were no such things as iPhones.  Perhaps it's time for Buddhism to be revised in order to bring it into line with today's consumer society?  I'm thinking about making a bid for the T-shirt concession.

   What's all this I hear about having 72 Virgins?

 Nah, you're thinking of something else, that's a different mob.  Buddhists have nothing to do with that sort of thing.

   Oh well.  What were Buddha's Teachings?

 Buddha taught us that there are four noble truths: firstly that life is suffering; secondly, that suffering is caused by desire; thirdly, that suffering can be overcome; and fourthly that the path of morality and awareness leads to happiness.  However, he also taught us how to deal with someone twice your size by kicking him in the nuts, then running away. This is known as the Tommy Robinson. Not only was he a wise and noble man, but old Buddha like Tommy was quick on his feet as well.

   So what's Karma?  Isn't it a type of curry?

 No.  It's not a species of chameleon either.(  )  Karma is the idea that every cause has an effect.  So, if I hit you with a big stick, you'll go and tell your mate, who will come round and beat the shit out of me with an even bigger stick.   Actually, this aspect of Buddhism gives me a bit of a problem, and I've been trying to think of a way round it.  The way I see it is that if I hit you with a stick and nobody sees me, and I do a really good job of it so that you're not able to tell anyone about it, then I can pretty much get away with it, unless it's recorded on video at St.Pancras. 

[klondike]

Well it was a pretty nice day today. Not so warm as a couple of weeks back but to be honest that would have been much too hot for me were it not for this loose orange robe and sitting cross legged letting the wind blow freely around the the old swannakles.

[GrannyMac]

Although I believe there's much to applaud about Buddhism, the shaven head doesn't float my boat.  Great for lot of men though, many have a head start!  

May your chakras always align. 🙏🏼 

[Vlad]

Well it was a pretty nice day today. Not so warm as a couple of weeks back but to be honest that would have been much too hot for me were it not for this loose orange robe and sitting cross legged letting the wind blow freely around the the old swannakles.