The Jockeys Nostril

[klondike]

😬😬😬

Did they eventually get it out OK?

[Mups]

I heard he was in the cellar with Mucky Maureen and they were doing something over a beer barrel and the plug spurted out like a champagne cork and got wedged somewhere... I think Mucky Maureen is still in A&E..  .. I'm just sayin'.. I don't gossip..

Funny you should say that Scrumps,  I heard the same tale,   Sexy Sid told me,  but I thought he was joking!
Poor Vlad.   I bet that cork made his eyes water.   Pity we didn't have a swear box handy at the time.

[Scrumpy]

Forget about Vlad's eyes watering..
Mucky Maureen will always be bandy.. 

[dextrous63]

Does she still do the trick with the coconut?

[GrannyMac]

Or, as they say in Yorkshire 'she couldn't stop a pig in a ginnel'. ☺️

[Scrumpy]

The uncorking will take place 2030.. That is a good year .. 
Meanwhile Maureen must hold on as tight as she can..

[dextrous63]

Or, as they say in Yorkshire 'she couldn't stop a pig in a ginnel'. ☺️

Ay up.

[Scrumpy]

Or, as they say in Yorkshire 'she couldn't stop a pig in a ginnel'. ☺️

[Vlad]

Mmmm? Not bad...I like what you have done with the spittoons, and  the fresh sawdust is a nice touch. Has anyway made the bed in my flat?

[Scrumpy]

' Don't clock the face ' Agnes is keeping it warm for you..

[Vlad]

' Don't clock the face ' Agnes is keeping it warm for you..

Agnes? Is she new?

[JBR]

Agnes? Is she new?

Surely you've heard of Agnes Day?

[Vlad]

Surely you've heard of Agnes Day?

No..should I?

But I have a tale to tell.....' oh nooo'  I hear you say, 

Breaking News.....
 From your On the Spot reporter Eric O'Toole
 political editor for Badger Owners Weekly
 
 Special Branch officers and a crack team of Pickled Egg Negotiators  from Haywoods working on a tip off from an undercover agent (a man in a Beige Cardigan ) raided a popular drinking establishment  on the forum early today.
 
 The pre dawn raid was the largest of its kind ever mounted in the Chat Forum. Two double decker buses and three black unmarked helicopters  were used to transport police and Pickled Egg experts to the newly refurbished Jockeys Nostril  on Wednesday morning. 9 gnomes from the beer garden were arrested for an act of 'gross indecency' and in possession of potting compost in contravention of some obscure law which I have yet to make up.
 
 Several forum ladies pretending to be teenage girls have been charged with being overage and  offering 'special services' in the snug  in exchange for chocolate and nylons. It is unclear at this time whether the officers in attendance took them up on their offer. 'It was hell in there' commented one shaken Pickled Egg negotiator wearing a balaclava and full Teflon body armour, as he watched Scrumpy, Mups, and Alex being bundled into  the back of a bulging police van.
 
 We take you  live to our reporter at the newly refurbished Jockeys Nostril Gastro Pub and Conference Centre
 
 'Good evening all, the  search for the Last of the Seven Eggs of Destiny continues here at The Jockeys Nostril. Police have removed large quantities  of suspected arthritis drugs, Tena pads knee supports and a large black plastic bag of lost dentures for forensic analysis, two bags of  industrial strength complimentary peanuts - thought to be  employed  in bomb making equipment were - were also found  on the premises.
 
 A lawyer acting on behalf of the gnomes  angrily dismissed  the police claim that they had arrested 9 gnomes as a gross exaggeration  insisting that 3 gnomes had been arrested 3 times.
  I asked the officer who led the raid Chief Inspector  Rod Sprockett why he had targeted this  particular pub,  'We have suspected for a number of years that the last of the Seven Eggs of Destiny has been holed up in this  'ere boozer for a long time, in fact only recently the chef known by the alias of Fat Kev was seen taking it for a walk in the beer garden, how blooming cheeky is that eh?'
 
 'Did you encounter  stiff resistance?' I asked.
 
 One of the wimmen..Scrumpy, was tooled up, but an elderly lady waving a lucky tea strainer and an aggressive look, was no match for a 6 foot copper kitted out in in Teflon Body Armour waving a Heckler Koch sub machine gun  in her face'
 
 'So who tipped you off?' I asked, slipping the Chief Inspector a bulging brown envelope.
 
 ' A man in a mac'
 
 ''A man in a mac?'
 
 ' Well not quite a mac, but a man believed to be an interior designer in a beige cardigan, his ex mac along  the last of the Seven Eggs of Destiny are are the heart of the investigation, the gnomes and other short statured people engaged in  unBritish sexual activities is  just for the Sun readers
 
 'Gosh' I commented , so it was the gnomes that are responsible for all this kerfuffle?'
 
 'Not exactly' replied Rod Sprockettt as he pried the probing fingers of a scantily clad Granny Mac away from his reinforced Teflon Cod piece, we think it was.....(pregnant pause) cue music..' dum dum dummm....
 
 'We have the man responsible for all this skulduggery, the landlord of this 'ere establishment known in the criminal  underworld as Vlad the Inhaler is now helping us with our enquiries...
 At this stage your on the spot reporter swoons with an attack of the vapours.
We take you back to the studio for the weather.
'

[JBR]

No..should I?

Probably not.  She sometimes uses her Latin name, Agnus Dei.

[Vlad]

Probably not.  She sometimes uses her Latin name, Agnus Dei.

How odd, I am just watching The Last Symbol by Dan Brown on the box right now...how strange