Asda....A Saga

Part Two
The standoff
Shopping at Asda is my third least-favourite activity after dusting and being nice to children. The checkout at Asda  was being manned by Elton John: age14. I didn't think it was possible for someone so young to be so fat and so camp, but the two carat diamond earring was the icing on the fairy cake.
I think Elton worked at ALDI's before ASDA and I know they are fast when it comes to scanning items......so thinking outside the box I placed each item on the belt about a couple of feet apart , that should slow him down being my thinking, giving me enough time to pack in a sensible manner....wrong!
 Elton looked at my items then at me..
 I had obviously laid down a challenge..... I reached forward to take a shopping bag and his fingers twitched on a jar of pesto. We glared at each other. I was somehow having a Mexican stand-off in Asda with a fat, gay fourteen year old. The next moment, I grabbed a bag and he started firing items across the scanner at the speed of light – there was no bloody way I was going to keep up with him (especially while trying to place the heavier items at the bottom in a sensible and logical manner) and pretty soon I was swimming in Hovis and Boil in the bag Brown Rice, empty bags flapping on my hands like pom-poms.
Elton stopped scanning and looked at me like I was pathetic. I wanted to smash his head in with a frozen chicken kiev, but I knew they'd tease me in prison if I went down for that. So I threw everything in the trolley and paid, resisting the temptation to say "Go stuff yourself" when he said, "Have a nice day"
 Next time I go I'm going to buy nothing but 24-packs of Stella. That'll show the bastard.

  In part three Asda toilets....I am the Chosen One..... now available in paperback in all good bookshops ...

Quote from: muddy on Yesterday at 10:44:42 PMDouble standards ?

Yes, double standards.
However, from a different point of view, the unprecedented weakness of Broken Britain.

None of my business of course, because I no longer visit the Mother Ship, but do other members bother to discuss matters with Scatty?

Personally, I avoided interacting with him as soon as I realised his consistent line of thought.  It really isn't worth the effort when someone's opinions are completely contrary to one's own.  I also got the impression that he isn't one to participate in a humorous chat.

Double standards ? 

Quote from: Alex on Yesterday at 10:36:29 PMIrish police detected 50 people attempting to enter Ireland from the UK illegally last week.

The Gardaí said they were refused leave to land and were returned to the UK across four days.

The force said 107 people had been detected, without the correct visas or identity papers, across 21 days of action since the start of October last year.

Four additional days of action took place in the week commencing May 20, when a further 50 people were detected without the correct paperwork.

It comes after Ireland claimed up to 90 per cent of asylum seekers arriving in Dublin have crossed the open border with Northern Ireland because they fear the Rwanda plan.

 

The Telegraph 26 May

Interesting.

So Ireland (part of the EU) is allowed to return illegal immigrants coming from the UK.

Is the UK allowed to return illegal immigrants coming from Ireland or France (the EU)?

Irish police detected 50 people attempting to enter Ireland from the UK illegally last week.

The Gardaí said they were refused leave to land and were returned to the UK across four days.

The force said 107 people had been detected, without the correct visas or identity papers, across 21 days of action since the start of October last year.

Four additional days of action took place in the week commencing May 20, when a further 50 people were detected without the correct paperwork.

It comes after Ireland claimed up to 90 per cent of asylum seekers arriving in Dublin have crossed the open border with Northern Ireland because they fear the Rwanda plan.

 

The Telegraph 26 May

Ooh Id forgotten about her 

Sue dreamed that Robert Redford had asked her out for tea
That dream was sadly ended when she woke up for a pee
He didn't return but Clooney came by
Brought her a coffee and put a hand on her thigh
Thirty seconds later Sue was sat on his knee


Katie's launderette business took off with a bang

The ones I hate are when it isn't possible to avoid guessing the wrong option. Today I was lucky. That grout could have been TROUT too obviously.

Quote from: muddy on May 21, 2024, 11:11:51 PMNot surprisingly the President of Ireland has sent a message of condolence to the Iranian regime on the death of the their murdering President speaking on behalf of the people of Ireland .

He follows in the proud tradition of De Lavera and William Joyce .

I have known good friends who are (southern) Irish, but the impression I get of the Irish, or at least their leaders, is that they are as anti-British as ever.
Is it because they want N.I. as part of their territory?
Do they see us as fools because we are happy to let anyone in their country (especially the Pikey brigade) come here and get away with criminal activity that our police are too afraid to deal with?

It also annoys me that they are not members of NATO and don't bother to maintain their own armed forces, simply because they can hide behind us.