There once was a man called Dutch John
Nobody is sure just where he has gone

There once was a man called Dutch John
Nobody is sure just where he has gone
He may be in Birmingham telling tall tales

There once was a man called Dutch John
Nobody is sure just where he has gone
He may be in Birmingham telling tall tales
Or tending sheep in deepest Wales

There once was a man called Dutch John
Nobody is sure just where he has gone
He may be in Birmingham telling tall tales
Or tending sheep in deepest Wales
All the wrong guesses just make him yawn


A wee fair maid from Pontypridd

A wee fair maid from Pontypridd
Got drunk one night and fell down a grid

A wee fair maid from Pontypridd
Got drunk one night and fell down a grid
Skirt up round her neck and legs akimbo

A wee fair maid from Pontypridd
Gone drunk one night and fell down a grid
Skirt up round her neck and legs akimbo
It's called 'legs eleven' at local bingo

A wee fair maid from Pontypridd
Gone drunk one night and fell down a grid
Skirt up round her neck and legs akimbo
It's called 'legs eleven' at local bingo
But she got hauled back up by a guy called Sid


A commercial rep from down south

A commercial rep from down South 
Was renowned for being a loudmouth

A commercial rep from down South
Was renowned for being a loudmouth
He could be heard in Chorley

A commercial rep from down South
Was renowned for being a loudmouth
He could be heard in Chorley
And as far as Burnley

A commercial rep from down South
Was renowned for being a loudmouth
He could be heard in Chorley
And as far as Burnley
And then he pissed off to Louth

New one Phil 

I have stood in for Phil..



Betty had the perfect pair .. of shoes

Betty had the perfect pair .. of shoes
She wore them on her Mediterranean cruise