Straight into the bin

[Flying Bomb]

If you have lost a wife or husband in recent years why do
people,  who know this, send one Xmas cards wishing you a,  'Merry  Xmas.'
Some are more thoughtful and send just a, 'Seasons greetings,' card.

I put the former straight into the bin !

[Diasi]

If you have lost a wife or husband in recent years why do
people,  who know this, send one Xmas cards wishing you a,  'Merry  Xmas.'
Some are more thoughtful and send just a, 'Seasons greetings,' card.

I put the former straight into the bin !

I have been thinking the same thing, especially when my wife was dying during the so-called festive season.

[Alex]

Speaking from the other side of the fence, it's difficult to know what to say, but I wouldn't want a friend/neighbour/relative to think they weren't in my thoughts at what is for them - but not all of us - a sad time. 
Seasons Greetings, Merry Christmas whatever the card says at least you know you are in that person's thoughts. 

[Michael Rolls]

That's my take on it as well
Mike

[Diasi]

Speaking from the other side of the fence, it's difficult to know what to say, but I wouldn't want a friend/neighbour/relative to think they weren't in my thoughts at what is for them - but not all of us - a sad time. 
Seasons Greetings, Merry Christmas whatever the card says at least you know you are in that person's thoughts.

My view is that if you're not sure what to say then say nowt.

Anyone with a brain cell should know that Xmas & New Year are cancelled for me.

My next door neighbours have had little contact with me since my wife died & they've had the good sense not to send a card this year.

They did, for a while, keep asking how I was but they stopped after I'd said something along the lines of "take a wild guess" a few times.

[Scrumpy]

I have been there too.. After Sam died there were some that tried to avoid eye contact.. Watched every word they said , should they upset me..
A couple of days after Sam died a man (stranger) knocked on my door... ' I strolled in the park with your husband when dog walking.. I was very sad to hear that he had died.. I just want you to know that'... I am so pleased he knocked on my door..
It is very difficult for people to know what to do for the best.. Christmas still goes on with or without a partner.. and the sadness is ours.. not that of others..

[Sheila]

He sounds like a good man Scrumpy.  Have you seen him since when you're out walking or at the shops?

I don't think that I would be brave enough to do what he did.

[Diasi]

It is very difficult for people to know what to do for the best.. Christmas still goes on with or without a partner.. and the sadness is ours.. not that of others..

I couldn't agree more.

The sadness is mine & not that of others.

I don't expect or want other people to share my sadness & in return I don't want to be expected to share in other peoples' happiness.

I do, however, expect people to realise how stupid it is to send a Merry Xmas card when a partner died over the Xmas period.

My son hasn't sent me a card this year & he won't be wishing me a Happy New Year.

[Scrumpy]

He sounds like a good man Scrumpy.  Have you seen him since when you're out walking or at the shops?

I don't think that I would be brave enough to do what he did.

Sheila.. I saw the man in the park many times after the event.. He used to walk his dog, as I did mine.. He would wave.. and I was pleased that he did..

[Diasi]

Just when I thought there couldn't be anything worse than a card saying Merry Xmas, my grand children do top trumps & send one that says "Have a Wonderful Xmas" !!!!!!

The scary thing is that the idiots will be old enough to vote someday.

[Wandering Walter]

Speaking from the other side of the fence, it's difficult to know what to say, but I wouldn't want a friend/neighbour/relative to think they weren't in my thoughts at what is for them - but not all of us - a sad time. 
Seasons Greetings, Merry Christmas whatever the card says at least you know you are in that person's thoughts.

I agree 100%

[Diasi]

I'm waiting to see if anyone sends me a Happy New Year text around midnight on New Year's Eve, which is the time that my wife actually died.

If your wife died on, say, the 14th September, would you be pissed-off if you got cards & messages telling to enjoy the day & to have great time, each anniversary?

[Michael Rolls]

Yes, I would - although it is a bit different for a 'recogniseable' date such as Christmas, New Year and Easter. Veronica actually died on the 23rd of January, so only close family and friends recognise the date and don't tell me to enjoy the day, but given the ubiquitiousness  of the recogniseable dates, it is inevitable that the cards will come.
Mike

[Alex]

14th September and Christmas time are slightly different don't you think  ?
Can't you just accept that people, particularly grandkids are thinking about you and the grown-ups are probably hoping that you're coping over this period.   You know you're not coping and no doubt you won't cope next Christmas and the Christmas after that, your family can but hope. 

I won't say anymore Phil because I don't want to upset you as your family obviously has. 

[Diasi]

14th September and Christmas time are slightly different don't you think  ?
Can't you just accept that people, particularly grandkids are thinking about you and the grown-ups are probably hoping that you're coping over this period.   You know you're not coping and no doubt you won't cope next Christmas and the Christmas after that, your family can but hope. 

I won't say anymore Phil because I don't want to upset you as your family obviously has.

Actually, in the context of what I'm saying there is no difference between the 14th September & Xmas / New Year.

If my wife had died on the 14th September no one would have sent me a "have a great day" card, so as they know she came home to die on Xmas Eve & died on New Years Eve why on earth would they send me a "have a Merry Xmas & a wonderful New Year" card when they know that neither will apply?

I get cards from the charities I support, which is ok as they don't know the situation, so that's fine & they get put up on display.