An afternoon with the pie keys

[muddy]

I have just had an interesting afternoon
Some villainous looking bloke came cold calling offering tree felling , garden work etc
He had pie key practically tattooed on his forehead .
So ( whatever was I thinking of) I showed him a raised bed I wanted removed .
Yes says he  quoting a price I can do it right now .
I have just finished a job nearby . Hmmmmm ok (what am I crazy )
I will get my man sez he  ( his son )
Up comes the son a lanky lad who is clearly a sandwich short of a picnic poor boy .
They had disturbingly  little equipment ( one shovel ) which the son seemed puzzled as to how it worked .
Nevertheless dad set to with gusto shovelling earth for all that he was worth .
I loaned him my spade and a wheel barrow.
Son immediately tipped the said wheel barrel over .
However after a few tries he got the hang of it .
Our conversation was bizarre . He confided to me the son was single at 16 but soon to marry .
What I exclaimed  that is ridiculous he's far too young .
I married at 14 he said ( he was 30 so that figured )  that's what WE do .
They both wore huge rings reminiscent of oversized knuckle dusters which they claimed were solid gold even taking them off for me to feel the weight !
They requested tea ( with fIVE sugars ) and bikkies .
I told them they all their teeth would fall out
They told me their favourite dish was rabbit .
I asked them if they were poachers ( they treated this joke with the distain I usually reserve for unfunny  ones on another forum which shall be nameless )
I didn't like to leave them alone ( I'm fond of that spade )
They told me they had horses and went to Appleby Fair ( an event I hate ) and another more local one . Had I even been ?
What !
Do I look like Grandma from my big fat gipsy wedding ?
Make that great grandma ( Grandma is only 32)
Clearly I need to do something about my wardrobe .

Eventually  dad ran out of steam and they more or less finished up ,well more less than more .
He needed to do some shopping .
I resisted the impulse to inquire where he shopped for rabbits .
( we are defenceless old pensioners after all )
The garden is now reminiscent of the Somme but I really can't blame them for that .
Everything is wet and claggy
Most of the raised bed is gone .
And it was an experience to say the least
Next time they come calling I will hide behind the sofa .