A Ripping Yarn.

[Scrumpy]

False boobies have arrived from Amazon.. I am now a size DDXYZ..
I am ready to be a Buxom Barmaid.. I will be there when I can get up.. I keep falling on my face.. !!!!
I am hoping for an Oscar.. A BIG one..

June 03, 2024, 09:06:30 AM

While you lot are doing that and diverting the night fighters I will be bombing the factory in Berlin on my own with a special bomb I invented last week.

My hero...  Come back in one piece my love.. No missing bits..

[Vlad]

I thought I was a chariot driver? Anyhoo, how does a chariot fit in? And can I have some of what you're drinking/smoking/taking!

Yes you can be a chariot driver...on of the thousands mentioned previously...🤬🤬🤬

June 03, 2024, 09:42:05 AM

Everybody is watching a thrilling film and the projector gets turned off in the middle of the chariot race as I come in and announce a huge raid has been planned on the dastardly hun and brought forward to tonight.

The squadron must bomb a secret plant hidden in a Norwegian fjord before they can dispatch the heavy water to a German factory which will make an atomic bomb. While you lot are doing that and diverting the night fighters I will be bombing the factory in Berlin on my own with a special bomb I invented last week.

A speshul bomb 🤔 Do tell 😂😂

[JBR]

I thought I was a chariot driver? Anyhoo, how does a chariot fit in? And can I have some of what you're drinking/smoking/taking!

I think Vlad's getting on a bit now, so this sort of thing is only to be expected.

[klondike]

A speshul bomb 🤔 Do tell 😂😂

I fear I may have revealed too much already.

[Vlad]

I fear I may have revealed too much already.



Bugger! I was getting sooo excited then...

June 03, 2024, 10:39:39 AM

I think Vlad's getting on a bit now, so this sort of thing is only to be expected.

Says the guy who is into species misappropriation....btw just for reference and maybe to be used in any court hearing, what species of dog?

[klondike]

Talking of dog what silly bugger decided to change his name? He just ignores me now.

[Vlad]

Talking of dog what silly bugger decided to change his name? He just ignores me now.

What, did I miss something?

[dextrous63]

What, did I miss something?

The boat?

[Vlad]

The boat?

Sorry did I bugger up the script? I am currently doing Scene 4 so maybe buggered up somethin?

[JBR]

June 03, 2024, 10:39:39 AM
Says the guy who is into species misappropriation....btw just for reference and maybe to be used in any court hearing, what species of dog?

I think the same as that famous dog in the war film.  Nigger, I think he was called.

[Vlad]

I think the same as that famous dog in the war film.  Nigger, I think he was called.

A black Lab?

[JBR]

A black Lab?

Yes, that's the one.

[Vlad]

Ok, moving on swiftly ....

scene 3
 
 warning this episode contains explicit  scenes of  sex and violence, reader discretion is advised , those readers of a more prudish nature can go straight to episode 4 by clicking here......X
 
 
 Decorating a Spitfire in one hour. the ultimate in reality makeovers
 
 The  Old ( based on age only) Team  discusses tactics. RAF Bigone Hill has  been equipped with the new Mark XX(a)  Spitfire, an aircraft superior in every way to anything the enemy can offer. the Spitfire  is powered by a specially developed Fiat 500 GTI engine and is very fast and wonderfully unstable in the air.
 It is armed with twin Gravy-Browning  cannon that can deliver shells the size of milk bottles at a rate of 4000 rounds a second. The Spitfire should  be unstoppable in the hands of competent aircrew but the problem as always, is the pilots' flying experience.
 
 'i've checked the Squadron  out, skip,' says Pilot Officer JB Van Driver, ( who really wants to be a dog) 'mostly they're under 12 years old and not a person - jack of them has more than half an hours time on fighters,  very keen though.'
It is  obvious to Biggle that training for the whole outfit must start immediately if not sooner for him and the team have faced this kind of difficulty before. 'OK chapettes and chaps,' says Biggles grimly, 'let's do it.'...... in the distance can be heard the sounds of the RAF band (on tour now doing Michael Jacksin tributes) playing a lively tune,..... then suddenly across the tarmac the Wing Commander Granny  'shortfall' Mac  waltzes past, her body joined at the groin to a somewhat attractive stranger, but bearing a striking resemblance to one of the Free French  pilots.
 The cast of thousands including Granny Mac's Chariot Team (now playing at the Coliseum Brixton) and an ice cream girl in the foyer cheer loudly.

 Training  begins at first (early o clock)  light the next morning with a pep talk from Biggles. 'Right , air-persons,' he  says, JBR,  Alex  and I are going to teach you everything we know about flying. some of you will find it hard but we know you can do it, you wouldn't be here if you were duffers and you'll win through if you remember two important things - always keep a spotlessly clean cockpit and never ever fly without your lucky mascot.'

Biggles  waves his  own lucky tea - strainer at the assembled crowd for emphasis. the squadron and a shedful of spare Navy Admirals  on loan  (this is the cast of thousands previously mentioned) are inspired. "hoorah! hoorah" they shout.  (well you would, wouldn't you?)
 
 True to Biggles word, the training is hard. after a theoretical introduction to the capabilities of the Spitfire , each pilot goes off to choose their lucky mascots and to scrub out the cockpits of their aircraft.
Biggles , JBR  and Alex  watch approvingly as the apprentice aces grow in confidence, minute by minute. more theory follows - air strategy (ours and theirs), air tactics (ours only because we're self-evidently superior), enemy aircraft recognition, Air Ministry  approved British  pilot talk (on and off duty versions) and the all important lecture by *Alex Bluey Billabong on designer approaches to aircraft customising.* the squadron is tired and happy, but each pilot is ready to fly. Hooorah!



*Alex's aircraft is tastefully decorated with pale lilac interiors, matching chintz curtains and seat cover, a small stuffed  St. Christopher  hanging on the rear view mirror, and the number 69 on the tail



End of part 3 (also available on dvd in the foyer now)





 In part 4 something interesting  happens...(I hope)  and Biggles and chums  go clubbin'

[klondike]

A ripping yarn indeed and a certifiable success already 

[Scrumpy]

Indeed...