A Ripping Yarn.

[Vlad]

Was it good for you..?    Are we on Netflix ? 

Oh yes ...
I came over all funny and unnecessary ...I think I might regret posting this..but hey that's me ..living on the edge...I once ignored a Do Not Walk on the Grass sign...rock 'n'roll or what?

[Alex]

I can't believe anyone actually knew about my drunkenly singing 'Is This the Way to Amarillo'    Were you in The Waverley Club, down the Dock Road in 1973  ? 

[Vlad]

I can't believe anyone actually knew about my drunkenly singing 'Is This the Way to Amarillo'   Were you in The Waverley Club, down the Dock Road in 1973  ? 

I've been everywhere man, I've been everywhere 📢🎶🎶🎶

[Vlad]

Scene 5

The day of the Big Push dawns bright and clear. 
 
 
 
 The Squadron (the cast of thousands and that ice cream girl answering to the name of Brenda ) are keyed up and waiting. Biggles eats a hearty breakfast of war-quality bacon and egg substitute in a very nice shade of green, which he prepares himself, and then strolls over to the hangar to inspect the aircraft. 'See you've done a grand job, Phil me old prawn cracker,' he says cheerfully 'Nothing but the best as usual.' Tired out but at the same time completely knackered, Phil  nods appreciatively. 'Lord luv a duck Sur,' he says in his chirpy Cockney lingo, ' there'll be a lot more to do before this day's out I can tell you, no danger, know what I mean, eh? 'Biggles pats Phil  on the head with the genuine affection that so often arises between Officers and Chaps in times of shared troubles, 'Thanks, Phil ,' he says, 'You know I depend on you and your old chinas. Thanks a lot'. As Biggles  walks back to the Station's Ops. Room, Phil  fights back a tear from his elderly eye and calls out, 'Mind you take your lucky tea - strainer with you Sur, me old Linguini alla Tedesca.' (I don't know what it means, I just read that on a pasta packet,..good eh? Asda are doing a special deal on pasta this week)) He fears he might not see Flight Lieutenant Biggles again for some little time.
 
 
 
 When the Tannoy eventually barks out the command to scramble, the Squadron is galvanised to action. They climb to 15,000 feet in double quick time, their engines screaming, to find huge numbers of enemy aircraft coming in over the English Channel. Rank upon rank of Dyson 770 bombers their filters droning their way steadily from northern France towards English dockyards. And from the flanks of every flight of bombers, whole squadrons of fighter 'planes, the deadly Messerchmitt 49,000Es, come bearing down on Biggles flyers. 'Heavens to Betsy. What a right bugger's muddle,' Biggles thinks to himself, 'wheres the rozzers when you nee em eh?'as he  gives the order to break formation. (Cue Music)
 
 
 
 It's a dog - fight ( two Black Labs I think)  all right, with the confusion and noise of battle everywhere. As the stirring strains of the theme from 633 Squadron play through the British flyers headphones, they are interspersed by cries of 'Bandits at two minutes past seven, Red Leader', 'Watch your tail Biggles  ' and suchlike hero(ine)ical things. Glancing over her left shoulder, Biggles sees JB van Driver take out sixteen 770s with one sustained burst of cannon fire and watches Alex Bluey Billabong barrelling upwards in hot pursuit of her twelfth Messerschmitt. Then he  spots the Red Baroness (will someone get Scrumpy out of her dressing room, this is her big scene) coming straight at him  out of the sun, his machine guns already blazing. 'Tally Ho, then, Pinky old chum,' he says to himself, ' Long time, no see.'


End of part. 5  Don't you just hate it when presenters do that, get you all worked up and he goes to the commercial break.
 
 
 
Tomorrow
 
 Part the Sixth
Victory and the dirty bits promised in the previous scene.

[Scrumpy]

[klondike]

Looking forward to tomorrow's thrilling episode. 

Be sure not to take any of those pills that were late coming because of the bank holiday as I fear at least one type may dull your artistic talents.

[GrannyMac]

Pills, booze, strong coffee? 😂🤣😂

[Vlad]

Oh yes lots of pills, 8 varieties daily, coffee machine always on the go 😂 I retired from my civvy job when I was 57, I am pushing 80 and I have memories, notes and lots of time on my hands, I was brought up listening to the Goon Show, watching Monty Python and reading Terry Pratchett ...therefore I am not really responsible for what I post ...🤪🤪

[Vlad]

Part the Sixth
Victory and the dirty bits promised in the previous scene.
 
 Biggles  and Baroness Scrumpy Pinkenstein Von Strangelholder, have jousted in the air before. Each respects the other as a most skilful opponent and both of them want to settle old scores. After checking that JBR and Alex have the rest of the battle in hand, Biggles dives below the main combat area with the Pink Baron close behind him. The two adversaries try every trick they know to out - manoeuvre one another, but all are to no avail. It is a real contest of skill. The Baroness attacks with her favourite underarm cross - handed Pfizzli, and Vlad counters with a double - hinged backflip and pike. The Baron tries a full - flap Lutz and Vlad responds with a wheels - down reversed triple Salko. They are evenly matched on the compulsory figures.

 Biggles calculates that something special is needed now. He climbs to 35,000 feet and closes the curtains on his canopy for a moment of quiet meditation. The Pink Baroness follows Biggles climb but keeps a respectful distance because he knows that he's up to something. When his curtains are open again Vlad beckons to the Baroness, dips his starboard wing and dives once more at full throttle straight back to sea level. Automatically the Pink Baroness follows him. Both pilots are yelling their heads off to overcome the pressures of the dive on their eardrums, so Biggles turns to the thing he knows best of all; he moves into the Full Rude Mode and produces a bravura display of expletives in sixteen different languages including Aramaic. At the last moment possible he yanks back his joystick (yes readers, ...that made my eyes water too) and pulls up out of the dive, all the while watching the Baroness in his wing - mirrors.

 Biggles Wins...hoorah!
 The Baroness Scrumpy is unable to match Biggles Dazzling display of insults by the time she reaches 15,000 feet; the pressure on her eardrums and the assault on her  mind paralyses her and she is forced to  do something very rude to Herman her lucky pet hamster. She  turns homeward, waggles her  wings in salute and leaves the field defeated.
 Biggles honour and his respect for a great pilot, demand that he does not pursue her: there will be other days. Brandishing his lucky tea - strainer, Biggles waves farewell to the departing Ace and heads home for RAF Bigone Hill, flying slowly to conserve his fuel.

 The rejoicing in the Jockeys Nostril that evening is sensational. Debriefing reveals no British casualties at all and the whole enemy force has been totally eliminated, happily without any serious injuries.
 The Badger Owner News prints a special edition with the banner headline, British Push Bottles Up Enemy,.... Baroness Flies Back to Front. Biggles is well pleased: as he slowly drinks an ice-cold beer with JBR  van Driver he  realises this has been his finest hour. His eyes rest on the tanned body of the strikingly handsome Dexterous who was draped over the body of the lithe and stunning Granny Mac (part time Chariot Driver, now taking bookings for Proms, Weddings and Bar Mitzvah's.)  "Damn" thought Biggles, "I could do with a bit of that, guess I am going to have to pull rank, amongst other things".............

the lights dim...the theatre curtains slowly close , the ice cream usherette surrenders her tray....The National Anthem plays.


                                                                            The End
 
 Disclaimer 
It's the 6th of June 2024  it's been 80 years since thousands of soldiers from many nations stormed the beaches at Normandy many never to return. 


So forgive me if you think I treated that great crusade lightly with my dark humour, and that it was inappropriate, I mean no disrespect, it's how I deal with my black dog moments.
Thank you for reading it anyway and many thanks to those of you that participated.

[Scrumpy]

Absolutely brilliant.. Thank you..

Is Herman the hamster alright.?

[Vlad]

Absolutely brilliant.. Thank you..

Is Herman the hamster alright.?

Thank you, you were brilliant.

Herman went into intensive care when he returned to the Fatherland, but even now 80 years on he is still living with the trauma, I mean have a large gloved finger stuffed up your botty cannot be much fun. 

[klondike]

Thanks for this thrilling tale.

I do hope our enemies are recovering from the bottle recovery. Those thruppences for the returns will go part of the way towards paying for the treatment

[Vlad]

They think it's all over......Well it isn't.....standby to standby.

[klondike]

Those aerial combat tactics sound very close to being state secrets. Certainly I doubt many will have ever heard of them. Luckily your identity will never be revealed even under torture.

[Vlad]

Just a quick one...The Awards Ceremony? A new topic  or add to this?