Crabby

[Scrumpy]

... Come on crabbyob.. let's be have a joke or two.. We need cheering up.. x

[klondike]

Careful what you wish for. I might post one 

[crabbyob]

One day my wife and her nan were discussing death and what kind of service we'd want etc. Cheery I know. Anyway, nan insists "I must be cremated. Promise me."
"Okay" my wife said "but why? Thought you'd go with a traditional burial."
Wait for it. Her reply was....
"Because I'm claustrophobic"...

[crabbyob]

to those who monitor and gossip about my every move
dont stop
Season two begins tomorrow...

[klondike]

 
I would go that way too. By the time they got around to it I'd doubtless be used to the heat.

[Scrumpy]

REPORTED..... These should be in the Jokes section.

[crabbyob]

wherever i am IS the jokes-section
the folks in the jokes section are happy souls
my targets are the miseries...

[crabbyob]

For Chris..
If we are no longer accepting the stuff we cannot change
then it is time to change the things we cannot accept...

[crabbyob]

the widdow next door asked me if i had a date for new years eve
i told her it was 31st December...

[crabbyob]

The Doncaster Rovers FC foreign scout flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to England 
He's signed to a one-year contract and the kid joins the team for the pre-season.
Two weeks later Nottingham are down 2-0 to Chesterfield with only 10 minutes left.
The coach gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in.  The kid is a sensation - scores 3 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for forest ...
The fans are thrilled, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media are in love with the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day of English football.
'Hello mum, guess what?' he says. 'I played for 10 minutes today, we were 2-0 down, but I scored 3 goals and we won.
Everybody loves me, the fans, the media...'
'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day.  Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.'
The young Iraqi is very upset. 'What can I say mum, I'm so sorry.'
'Sorry? You're sorry?' says his mum, 'It's your fault we moved to Doncaster in the first place!'

[Alex]

I've heard that one before only Liverpool was used 

[crabbyob]

i try not to kick a team when its down..

[klondike]

 [handbags]

[Michael Rolls]

 

[Alex]