Lt Smithers?

[crabbyob]

In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent  to a South African bush outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and indulging the usual courtesies (gin and  tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc.) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel  said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers.  He is my right-hand man  and is really the strength of this command. His talents are simply  boundless."   Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a hunch-backed, one-eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pock-marked  specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than one metre  tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
''Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy  lines. I have represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a  Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics. I have  researched the history of....."
At that point, the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers.  he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to f##k off."

[Michael Rolls]

 

[klondike]

 

[zoony]

 

[Scrumpy]