Deep Heat

[Cassandra]

I reckon that Cassandra's enjoying being able to vent all the frustration that must have built up over his years of having to obey courtroom protocol. Lol 

There were always 'ways' of transmitting such disappointments in a courtroom to a Jury, who like you were thinking 'what the 'F' are we all doing here'? Getting over your real feelings to the irks of this world when they are in the 'dock' was always satisfying. My father though once warned me "The wanton Boy that kills the Fly, Shall feel the Spiders enmity". He was right it was not to be overdone.

Using their own 'Back slang' against them in court however could gain advantage. Even if 'His Lordship' then had to be told what a Namow was and indeed a short history on the dialect. One such having heard of my distinction in this subject even asked me for ' a short list of terminologies and their meanings' - "for future reference of course my dear chap, but how did you learn all this"? "I've found it depends on the company you keep my Lordship". A clearing of the throat and then a sort of strangulated - "Oh yes of course" ... He'd been a 'Patent Barrister'.

As a footnote to my story I didn't inform the Judge that my client 'Grumpy' had been a Sgt in the Parachute Regiment with over 60 'stops' to his name in WW2. Nor that he'd been mentioned in dispatches three times (twice at Arnhem) and could have snapped the shitbag's scrawny necks with his bare hands, before they could blink. He afterwards told me how he kept having to dry his eyes during my 'closing address' from tears of laughter. Indeed the Jury thought he was finding the whole thing too much of a strain ... dear dead days RIP.

[Cassandra]

One of my 'old timers' used to carry a "baseball treated with vinegar. hardened Like a conker, inside a stocking, know wot I mean Guv". The 'nuclear' version of this was a Snooker ball in a sock. He explained "gives ya a real edge when wrapped around someones nuts".

"I wouldn't like to try and explain what else rather than a weapon, this construction was meant for", I once told him.

"Its for me work init",

"what works that"

"Leather beating, right"

"Oh yes how slow of me not to think of that?"

"Right"

[JBR]

More please!  👍

Ever thought of writing a TV series?  

[Cassandra]

First of all thank you for your appreciation. I was invited a few times to meet with the cast of a famous TV legal series (not Rumpole) with the writers to provide them with instances and relationships at the behest of the directors and writers, together with a good friend from neighbouring chambers. He represented the 10 bob side - (contracts etc) and I was the two and six regular career crim representative. Many happy 'suppers' followed and I was indeed delighted, when one of the main cast made his way here last year to stay for a few days!

It was great fun, I think most actors who play Barristers secretly want to be one. After all, what with all the dressing up and theatre the two careers are very similar. From the corner of my eye, I often saw these famous actors creased up with laughter at the reality of Chambers stories, via two old farts!

I have over the years written recalls of cases of humour, in an individual chapter like scenario, more as an aide memoire in case I further lose my marbles altogether. A very good friend, who is a brilliant cartoonist has read them and since his retirement has depicted a summary to each of these stories in his own inimitable style as a sort of facing frontispiece.

My late wife made me promise to publish it! So far it's the only thing I've let her down on. I don't think the millenials and gen Z's would be a good bet as consumers, do you? Perhaps I'll pay for a run of say 200 and publish posthumously ...

At least I'd be spared the 'Lets Chat' punctuation and parsing corner reviews that way ...

[JBR]

Yes, do publish them, and led us know where and when!

[Michael Rolls]

hear, hear!

[Cassandra]

Thanks chaps, I must therefore get to work on refining things a bit etc. My friend here at the bottom of the garden is presently self publishing his auto-biography and it seemed reasonably easy to do.

But I think I'll wait till I'm dead and get my executor to just press the click button and cop the responsibility. If you've been at the bench (either on it, or in front of) for as long as I have you inevitably meet a lot of people. My father established a substantial list of show business and sporting clients, that and divorce you see were his speciality. I'd been able to extend this category quite extensively, meeting today's veterans in those spheres, when we were all sons of father's, starting out together. The same doesn't apply to the 'ungodly' - they're all exclusively mine, many indeed the majority now sadly gone. But their 'differences' with the beak do at least live on.

I'm retired but a lot still call or write, either for a chat, or very personal advice for their children and grandchildren. Not for the sake of getting it 'pro-bono' but because sometimes it's very personal information and I'm now seen as a friend. I can tell you at Xmas the Champagne, as thanks can sometimes block the doorway up!

Thats an honour, but some people think it's boastful and/or name dropping, so I tend not to enlarge that. Most of my stories are rather like a sort of 'Wind in the Willows' casting. Yes Badger, Rat, Toady and Moley are all their, along with the best of the Weasles and Stoats too ...

[Alex]

I don't think it's name dropping, I really enjoy your stories Cass and I have visions of old Rumpole when I'm reading them.  Course I'm sure you were more dashing than old Horace 

[GrannyMac]

I'm with your other fans here Cass, I think you should write your memoirs! I really enjoy your reminiscences, we're privileged to read them first hand.

I would have liked to sit on a jury, just for the experience.  The invitation only came last year, when I was over the age limit. 

[Scrumpy]

Cassandra.. You write about interesting court cases and I'll write about life at the pickle factory..
We can sell them.. two for the price of one.. x

[Diasi]

I don't think it's name dropping, I really enjoy your stories Cass and I have visions of old Rumpole when I'm reading them.  Course I'm sure you were more dashing than old Horace 

I'll second that. 

March 05, 2024, 10:02:04 AM

Cassandra.. You write about interesting court cases and I'll write about life at the pickle factory..
We can sell them.. two for the price of one.. x

Well you two have much in common as Cassandra's job involved getting his clients out of a pickle.

[muddy]

This forum is so educational 😀

[ansu]

How true!