A few daft ones.

[Floydy]

Kurt Zouma is starring in a remake of a pantomime classic.
Boots in puss...

_______

I was watching porn at work with the volume turned all the way up when my boss came up behind me.
 "Could you turn that down Floydy?" He asked.

 " Not likely", i replied, "have you seen the size of those knockers"....

__________

Thousands of eggs have been stolen from a local farm.
Police suspect poachers...

_________

Remember that old tv show, 'bread?'
I had a small roll in that....

_________

I used to think cesarean was spelt with an S until i looked in the dictionary and found it in the c section...

___________

I'm writing a book about all the things i should be doing.
I'm calling it my oughtobiography.....

__________

'Canape'= Scottish for i don't have the money...

________

My grandad was buried without his false teeth.
Poor sod will be gurning in his grave....

__________

For sale: garden gate.
No catch...

_________

I'm hoping to pass an A level in taking the mickey. I've got my mock exams next week.

________

I've just bought a lettuce from the greengrocers owned by the former members of the mama's and papa's but i think it's already going off.

All the leaves are brown....

[klondike]

[Michael Rolls]

      

[Alex]