Kurt Zouma is starring in a remake of a pantomime classic.
Boots in puss...
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I was watching porn at work with the volume turned all the way up when my boss came up behind me.
"Could you turn that down Floydy?" He asked.
" Not likely", i replied, "have you seen the size of those knockers"....
__________
Thousands of eggs have been stolen from a local farm.
Police suspect poachers...
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Remember that old tv show, 'bread?'
I had a small roll in that....
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I used to think cesarean was spelt with an S until i looked in the dictionary and found it in the c section...
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I'm writing a book about all the things i should be doing.
I'm calling it my oughtobiography.....
__________
'Canape'= Scottish for i don't have the money...
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My grandad was buried without his false teeth.
Poor sod will be gurning in his grave....
__________
For sale: garden gate.
No catch...
_________
I'm hoping to pass an A level in taking the mickey. I've got my mock exams next week.
________
I've just bought a lettuce from the greengrocers owned by the former members of the mama's and papa's but i think it's already going off.
All the leaves are brown....
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