Welcome to my mid-life crisis, by Matt Hancock

[klondike]

GOOD day, Britain. I'm Matt Hancock, your former health secretary, and I'd like you all to attend my mid-life crisis.

Yes, when male politicians reach a certain age – I'm 44 but my hair's receding – they suffer the same worries as any man.
Where's my sports car? Can I get a younger girlfriend? Could I still forge a career as an international DJ?

And, after guiding you all through the Covid crisis safe and sound, give or take a couple of hundred thousand, then being filmed going at my intern like a £100 Dualit coffee grinder, I felt I deserved a classic crisis.

I've left the wife and kids. Done. I'm with a new bird and gush on about how in love we are unstoppably and insensitively, given the wife and kids. Done.

I've given up my ambitions for my old career. All my old workmates avoid me and Rishi wouldn't even throw the Mattster a handshake. Done. So what's next?

Well, remember the daily briefings? Their ratings? It wasn't Whitty that had the nation rapt. I'm TV catnip. I'm going in there, baring my soul, flirting with the girl from Love Island, forming an unexpectedly strong bond with Boy George and yes, eating exotic anus.

This is the relaunch. This is the new me. The nation will see my sleeve tattoos, hear me playing my self-penned tracks on guitar, listen to my philosophies. I'll easy be King of the Jungle. Gina and Matt will be the new Katie and Peter.

It's going to be the greatest mid-life crisis of all time, and I'll be doing it in front of the whole country. Tune in, Britain. You're about to find out who the Mack Daddy is. The Matt Daddy. Matt. Me. Does that work?

Stolen from the Daily Mash
https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/welcome-to-my-mid-life-crisis-by-matt-hancock-20221102227673

[Scrumpy]

So, you will put a penis and a couple of balls in your mouth eh!! .. and swallow.. !!
You will be popular with the public .. they will vote for you to carry out some eye watering tasks.. Probably some of the last votes you will ever receive..
Looking forward to seeing you in action.. No broom cupboards to hide in.. Everything out in the open..     They will bury you alive..
See you on Sunday... kiss, kiss...

[Cassandra]

Disgusting, egotistical hypocrite with the brains of a gnat. I hope his Constituency 'de-select' him whilst he' groping his £350K in the 'Jungle' whatever that is? Unbelievable that we have to pay him too whilst he's absent, what a mess when these events happen!

[Scrumpy]

Money 💰 money.... No surprise at what people will do if the price is right..

[Michael Rolls]

the man's a disgrace

[Ashy]

If there are ever any trials for malfeasance, he'll be right there in the dock. Until then he just wants as much money and self publicity as he can get. Surely the conservative party doesn't really want this type standing for them?

[Alex]

Bet your bottom dollar more ' grown ups' will tune into I'm A Celebrity than ever before, many for the first time too 

[GrannyMac]

I have a feel Nicky will be getting all the votes to do the disgustingly horrible tasks.  Tee hee.

[Scrumpy]

  Watch him gag when he has to bite and swallow an eyeball.. Or crunch on a Kangaroo's penis..
Boy George will handle it well..    Proper Diva...

I must say that I am looking forward to it..
 I know.....  sad innit... !!!

[Raven]

We won't be watching it, I know that for sure. 

[klondike]

I never watched even when I had a TV licence. I have seen bits and pieces either by chance or trailers and the like. I do enjoy the thought of any politician feasting on a kangaroos rectum or todger but don't feel the need to watch.

[Raven]

Must admit when Big Brother first came onto our screens I saw one episode and that was more than enough. Same with this show, simply not interested in it,  besides those two annoying gits are fronting it and I can't stand either Ant or Dec. 

[Scrumpy]

Each to their own I guess..

[klondike]

Yep. I is too posh to watch that stuff. 

[Cassandra]

Must admit when Big Brother first came onto our screens I saw one episode and that was more than enough. Same with this show, simply not interested in it,  besides those two annoying gits are fronting it and I can't stand either Ant or Dec. 

Dumbed down rubbish for Generation Z and there 'mumsys'.