Village News

[crabbyob]

postmaster McQurk declared ; From Monday all postmen will work from home...
they will read all your mail and phone you if its anything important 

[Scrumpy]

... any hospital appointments will be put in a Lucky Dip bin (On loan from the Conservative Club) and a blindfolded postie will dip his hand in.. and pick out ONE every fortnight .

[klondike]

Doctor Foster phoned the Village Herald from the Bahamas to say he was disappointed with all the critcism of hardworking GPs. He has been making an in depth study on the effects of alcohol and golf on the transmissability of covid. He expects his researches to be complete early to late 2025 or maybe 2026. Meanwhile would his patients please continue to use 111 and A&E.

[Scrumpy]

... and he kindly donated some of his unused waiting room chairs to the old folks home .. and some to a bus stop in Vicarage Lane ( No longer on bus route) where workmen forgot to to take the stop sign down..

[crabbyob]

Doctor Watson Does two Zoon meetings a day,
the club captain gave him permission to use the rest hut behind the ninth green...

[klondike]

Doctor Spielmeister has issued an urgent request. Does anybody have any 30 minute tapes for an answering machine as his 15 minute one is not long enough. To avoid confusion this is the outgoing message tape not the incoming messages tape as that never gets used.

[Scrumpy]

On New Day Molly Prat celebrated with a drink at being NEXT IN LINE after holding the line since December...She missed Christmas with her family because she was only number 6..

[Ashy]

Watch for sale for lady with large multi coloured face and luminous hands. Apply within.

[Michael Rolls]

Which face?

[Ashy]

[Ashy]

Breaking:
A local councillor was rushed to the cottage hospital this afternoon after the health and safety notice board that he was hanging, fell on the cord of his drill, pulling his step ladder over. Cllr James Pallett, 32, fell on the drill, causing it to break. He suffered a broken collar bone, broken ribs, electrical burns and a 5/16" hole. His condition is said to be satisfactory.

[GrannyMac]

Earlier today, my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down, and cleaned thoroughly.  Tomorrow, I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

[Ashy]

[klondike]

[Alex]

Nice one