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Village News

Started by klondike, January 04, 2022, 11:53:17 AM

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klondike

The Town Crier has procaimed that once again there shall be Village News. Please if you hear anything official or even just scurrilous gossip please contribute.

Ashy started this in t'other place but he seems to have pretty much gone AWOL there and as a consequence never got an invite here. An absent friend and will be sorely missed as the news he picked up was very enjoyable. I don't have a good ear for this but I'm hoping you lot do.



To kick this off. Please do better. Please.
While dredging through the Village News flyers from yesteryear I came across this report. The date was smudged but I'd guess at sometime in the 50's -

There has been a break in at the local police station. All the toilets have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

crabbyob

police denied Ali Barber permission to open a corner shop in the middle of the round-about, Ali says the council sold him the property at a snip...

klondike

Rumours that the vicar is to be defrocked are false.
All that happened is he got chucked out of The Slug and Lettuce while wearing one last Saturday night.

Wandering Walter

Someone broke into the Village Police Station last night and stole all the toilet bowls, the Police have nothing to go on at the moment

klondike

What again?

I wonder if it is the same offender that dug the big hole in the village green which Constable Napweed is looking into.

Scrumpy


Betty Jones came over all wobbly when a man exposed himself to her up Breakers Alley on Friday.. When asked what he looked like all she could remember was that he was well built ..
Don't ask me.. I know nuffink..

Wandering Walter

Quote from: klondike on January 04, 2022, 01:43:44 PM
What again?

I wonder if it is the same offender that dug the big hole in the village green which Constable Napweed is looking into.

:smiley:

It a chain of offences right across the county, CID are trying to flush them out which is a huge drain on resources  :wink:

klondike


Wandering Walter

 :grin:

Cab for Walter please Landlord  :smiley:

Scrumpy


A man was arrested in connection with the Betty Jones indecent exposure along Brokers Alley on Friday..
He was released after police inspected the evidence.. He did not fit the description given by Miss Jones of being well built..
To safe any embarrassment his name is being withheld.
Don't ask me.. I know nuffink..

klondike

Betty was so startled it seems she accidentally took a snap of the man with her phone. This is now on her Facebook account in case anybody should recognise him. Unfortunaetly his face is not in shot.

crabbyob

when the vicar pointed out to old mother reilley the church cleaner that the vestry hadnt been dusted she replied, you told us 'man is born of fdust and to dust he will return' so i didnt want to disturb it in case it was your friends.. :smug:

Michael Rolls

Thank you for the days, the days you gave me
[email protected]

Scrumpy

Don't ask me.. I know nuffink..

crabbyob

the village council have put a notice up on the roadside at Squirrel Wood, warning
Red Squirrels drive slowly

pat said to mick "back in the ould country they cant drive at all"