Yesterday I was at my local store buying a large bag of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pets and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog. I was going on the Pedigree diet again, I added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in hospital the last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load up your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two whenever you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention that now practically everyone in the queue was enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, the woman asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the food had poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
Well I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.
I am now banned from the Store
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